HELLO!

If anyone finds this blog -- please come over to my newer and more frequently posted-on blog, "The Girl in the Seat Next to You." http://www.diaryofasinglestudent.blogspot.com

I promise it'll be worth the trip. THANKS!

"Your Love"

The sky has never looked
This blue
During my blackest storms.
This is what Your love
Does for me.

The sun has never shined
So brightly
In the midst of so many thick clouds.
This is what Your love
Does for me.

My most mournful dirges have never
Been such sweet, happy
Melodies.
This is what Your love
Does for me.

The highest mountains have never
Been flat, rolling plains
In my life.
This is what Your love
Does for me.

The tremendous winds have never
Come and gone as
These gentle, caressing breezes through my hair.
This is what Your love
Does for me.

Your love catapults my spirit
To heights unknown to rockets and spaceships,
Even when my body and mind
Are filled with chaos and pain.

Your love lifts my feet to dancing
Even when the music has
Long since stopped
And the lights gone out.

Your love is the flame that
Warms my heart
When the icy travails of
My red enemy would
Long since have frozen and killed me.

Your love lights
The path You have
Chosen for me,
Illumining boulders and barriers.
And Your love carries me
When I am too weak to
Crawl onward.

Most of all,
Your love gives me a reason to live...

8/3/06-1:00am
-----------------------------------------------

I mean every word of this. I could not begin to take the next step without the Lord's love and His strength...

"People Will..."

Throughout your life,
People will doubt you.
They will say,
It is all impossible,
Give up,
You don’t have what it takes,
Let this tough stuff
Pass you by.
People will doubt you.

Throughout your life,
People will hurt you.
They will break your heart,
And try to break your spirit.
They say words are harmless,
They’ll say you can’t take a joke,
And they’ll disguise their malice
With a wicked laugh.
People will hurt you.

Throughout your life,
People will leave you.
They will promise to stick by you
Through thick and thin.
But when the rubber meets the road,
Push comes to shove,
You may find yourself all alone.
People will leave you.

Throughout your life,
People will lie to you.
They will say things
They never meant
To satisfy feelings,
Or just to make you cry.
People will lie to you.

Throughout your life,
People will doubt you,
People will hurt you,
People will leave you,
People will lie to you.
So why trust people?
Why not find Someone
Who will never doubt, hurt,
Leave, or lie to you?
Why not find the ultimate friend?

He’s looking for someone exactly like you.
He laid down His life for you.
He won’t let you go, when life gets rough.
He will tell you the truth, even when the truth
Is the last thing you want to hear,
But the thing that most needs to be said.

People can’t always be trusted,
Because people aren’t perfect.
God can be trusted,
So open your heart to Him
And find a friend,
Who will never
Hurt you,
Doubt you,
Leave you,
Lie to you.A friend who truly loves you.
-----------------------------------------------------

Of course this doesn't apply to everyone. But even the most well-meaning people can unintentionally let us down, etc.

I need to remember this:

"Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be."
-Thomas a Kempis, Imitation of Christ

"Untitled Hymn," by Chris Rice

"Weak and wounded sinner,
Lost and left to die,
O, raise your head for
Love is passing by,

Come to Jesus,
Come to Jesus,
Come to Jesus and live,

Now your burden's lifted,
And carried far away,
And precious blood has washed away the stain... so

Sing to Jesus,
Sing to Jesus,
Sing to Jesus and live,

And like a newborn baby,
Don't be afraid to crawl,
And remember when you walk sometimes you fall... so

Fall on Jesus,
Fall on Jesus,
Fall on Jesus and live,

Sometimes the way is lonely,
And steep and filled with pain,
So if your sky is dark and pours the rain... then

Cry to Jesus,
Cry to Jesus,
Cry to Jesus and live,

O, and when the love spills over,
And music fills the night,
And when you can't contain your joy inside... then

Dance for Jesus,
Dance for Jesus,
Dance for Jesus and live,

And with your final heartbeat,
Kiss the world goodbye,
Then go in peace, and laugh on Glory's side... and

Fly to Jesus,
Fly to Jesus,
Fly to Jesus and live,

Fly to Jesus,
Fly to Jesus,
Fly to Jesus and LIVE."

I LOVE those lyrics. It reminds me of a poem I wrote a long time about called, "Broken Boxes." But this song has meaning to me because I experience and do all the things mentioned in the song on a daily basis, especially the "falling on Jesus" part. It helped me, maybe it will help you. Goodnight, I only got 4.5 hours of sleep so I'll play "catch-up" now.

Wow, hidden comments.

This is just a super brief post saying "thank you!" I didn't know I had such a thing as comment moderation on my blog. So when I checked I had EIGHTEEN comments waiting to be published. So thanks, y'all. Sorry I never realized it before now. Anyway, off to do better things with my life.

"My Secret"

No one else knows my secret,
But I'll tell you.

I may look like a big girl,
Tough, capable, grown-up,
All the thing we wanted
To become when we were ten years old.
But inside, I am still a scared little girl
When the lights go out
And I am alone with my nightmares,
My fears and
My softly falling tears.

But I still look like a big girl,
Tough, capable, grown-up.
So I can't run to Mom,
Throw open her bedroom door,
And climb under her covers.
So I lie in my bed
And wait for the sun to
Peep over my window sill.

But I do not wait alone.

Jesus knows my secret.
He knows I am a baby lamb in sheep's clothing,
And I need the comforting presence
Of my Shepherd.

So He comes to me.
And when my flesh and heart fail me,
He catches me as I fall.
When my anxious thoughts overwhlem me,
His consolations give me rest.

I am still a little lamb in sheep's clothing,
But my good Shepherd watches over me
By night and by day.
And any troubles that assail me in the night
Cannot overcome the power of my Shepherd's might.
And now YOU know my secret...

"For He gives to His beloved even in her sleep."-Psalm 127:2

"They cried to the Lord in their trouble, and He brought them out of their distresses. He caused the storm to be still, so that the waves of the sea were hushed. Then they were glad because they were quiet, so He guied them to their desired haven."-Psalm 107:13

"Perfection." (My poem.)

I’ve come to terms
With the truth:
My New Year’s resolution
Will never occur-
I will never be perfect.

The Bible says
Present yourself an
Unashamed workman.
Well I am ashamed of my handiwork.
I try and tryTo avoid scarlet cheeks
And the constant paradeOf my foot to my mouth.
I wear rubber bands to remind me,
Tape to bind my mouth shut
But somehow, I always slip up.
Like today and the day before,
And the weekend before that.
I wish I was a little rabbit
Buried deep in a burrow.

But hiding away from life’s little slips,
Means never showing the effects of God’s greatest gifts-
Forgiveness and love,
Mercy and peace.

When He made me,
He knew what He created.
He created an imperfect (by my standards)
Girl, who speaks before she thinks,
And leaps before she looks.

And even though I often find myself
Tumbling down
Because of another mistake,
The best leap I ever made
Was the one straight into His arms.

That blind faith is
The only kind of perfection
He asks for and the only kind I’ll ever need.

"Jesus Loves Me!" (My poem.)

I slide down to sit on the cold bathroom floor,
My back against the abruptly slammed door.
This has become my regular haunt.
Always weeping, I come.
I failed again, I say to myself,
And clench my fists so tight
My nails leave red crescent moons on my palms.

This time, like all the others,
It was my quick tongue
And rapid-fire temper
(that quickly goes and leaves remorse)
That brought me to this dark room
Alone, with teary mascara-stained cheeks.

I am so tired.
My eyes are heavy, so heavy
With the weight of sleep
And yet unspilled tears,
On the brink of flooding over.
I am tired
Because this same thing happened last night
And I am tired
Because I see the futility of fixing this myself.

So I close my eyes,
Raise my hands
And start to sing
That soft lullaby
We know so well-

Jesus loves me
This I know
Because the Bible tells me so...

He loves me
Because I trust Him.
He loves me
Because I obey Him.
He loves me
Because He made me
And He knew my name
Even before my ancestors were born
And knew how many tears
Would ever drop from my eyes.

I love Him
Because He first loved me.
I love Him
Because without His love and comfort in my life,
What else is there to live for?

I can't spend the rest of my life
On the cold bathroom floor,
And I know I will continue to make mistakes.

But I also know,
As long as I continue to follow Him
Like a clumsy, little lamb,
Jesus loves me
This I know,
Because He tells me so...

A New "Reality"

Why do Christians in America have this twisted feeling of entitledness? Why do they feel that the Lord OWES them something, as if Him dying for them wasn't enough? Why do they rejoice and praise Him only when life seems to be "going their way?" I have encountered this attitude so many times in my life and have even felt it myself a few times and I am SICK of it. The Lord gave me salvation and I would be content if I suffered misery for the rest of my life, because I know that as long as I keep my hope and eyes pinned on Christ, I will spend eternity with Him.

One of my favorite books is called, "Tortured for Christ," by Rev. Richard Wurmbrand. Every Christian needs to read this book in order to gain a measure of perspective in our cushioned, protected, and easy lives here in the States. Rev. Wurmbrand was in prison (I think in Hungary) for 15 years. Through that time, he and many fellow Christians were tortured for Christ and lost their families, homes and some even lost their lives for the sake of Christ. Yet, after his release from the prison, and while touring the world to raise public knowledge of the imprisoned Christians, he said he had not encountered any Christians happier than the ones yet in prison. They counted all lost for Christ and felt honored that He counted them worthy to suffer for His name. I need this attitude. We all do.

It is no wonder that Christians in America are on the brink of losing their religious freedom (www.truthtellers.org) since they are trying to re-write reality. They think that Christianity is about easy living and numerous blessings. Oh, how wrong they are! Heaven is when we can live easily and have never-ending blessings. Christian life is supposed to be a struggle, but through it all, we have the peace that passes understanding in our souls no matter how un-peaceful our physical life may be.

Looking For the Rainbow

This girl is five-years old. A National Geographic photographer took this of her while she was watching for rainbows. She stayed on the roof of that car for a half hour, just watching, patient in the knowledge that if she just waited long enough, she WOULD see a rainbow. She saw three.

Several years ago, my attitude about what lay down the road was one of being apprehensive, not so much one of excitement. I was especially nervous if I saw a storm in the near future. This little girl is watching a storm, perhaps getting closer and closer, and yet, her first thoughts about it are to watch for a rainbow that WILL appear.

I want to look for the rainbows in life's storms. I want to be like a racehorse at the starting gate about the future. God has amazing things planned for me, not only in the future, but in the present!

Life is an incredible journey. If you keep looking at the adventures you had in the past and longing for them, you will miss the incredible adventures happening RIGHT NOW!!Whenever it seems like there is a storm in your life, remember that the sun is always shining behind a cloud, and always, always look for the rainbow...

Counter

Hoodia

Quotes I Love

"Beware lest you lose the substance by grasping at the shadow."
-Aesop

"Love flies, runs, and rejoices; it is free and nothing can hold it back. "
-Thomas a Kempis

"Who has a harder fight than he who is striving to overcome himself. "
-Thomas a Kempis

"Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be."
-Thomas a Kempis, Imitation of Christ

"We are not doubting that God will do best for us, we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be."
-C.S. Lewis

"The time is now, the place is here. Stay in the present. You can do nothing to change the past, and the future will never come exactly as you plan or hope for."
-Dan Millman

"Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall."
-1 Corinthians 10: 12

"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear."
-1 John 4:18

"In critical moments even the very powerful have need of the weakest."
-Aesop

Life Update

My blog has been a lot of essays lately, which is good since I am writing a lot of them. But I feel it is time to let you, whoever "you" are, know how life is going.

Life is going GREAT!! God has been giving me so much peace and joy. The Bible says that if we make the right choice to follow Him, then we will get everlasting joy, and it was RIGHT! I am not living in the past anymore, nor in the future, I am not looking even into the next hour, I am just looking at my Father and trusting Him to take me wherever it is best for me to go.

School is fine. I have my first mid-term in Math 111 on Friday and I am sort of worried because my math teacher says that usually the first exam is an eye-opener and most of the students do really poorly on it, so we should STUDY, STUDY, STUDY! So that is what I will be doing till then. Geography is "okay." My teacher is not the greatest but I have had the pleasure of having three of my four teachers so far be great so it is time to have a bad one. I like reading about all the different parts of the world though. My only dilemma is it makes me want to travel SO bad! :)

Work is going well too. I am working for my uncle at his airplane restoration business in OR City, on Mondays and Wednesdays and I LOVE IT. But today, we brought his retired, 80-foot fishing boat up (or down) the Columbia River to its new home in Camas, WA. That was a blast. I love getting to spend so much time my best friend, also my cousin, and the rest of them. Plus, it is nice to get out of the city...

Well, I have a stack of homework with my name on it... Keep praying for me, I need it. But God is faithful to strengthen us as long as we keep our eyes fixed on Him.

Something to think about...

Face it- I am a hopeless romantic. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that though, but sometimes it is annoying, to myself. I just finished that Indian movie, “Dil to Pagal Hai.” It made me so, I don’t know, excited and romantic as well as expectant. I can’t wait to be in love. I can’t wait till I feel this way:

“When he looks at me, I feel beautiful. When he laughs, I feel like dancing. When he loves me, my eyes fill with tears. He has made me realize that he is made for me, and I for him.”

But for now, until God sees fit to give me that, I will work on my relationship with the Lord and with my family. I need to feel that way about the Lord and develop a more personal relationship with Him. I want to, too. He has done so much for me; He is deserving of everything I could give Him, He is deserving of all of me.

All my life, people have been telling me they loved me. My parents told me. My family told me. Friends told me. Guys told me. But, it doesn’t matter what they tell me. What matters is what they do. My dad left us, my mom and all six of us kids. My big brother left us too. My friends have rejected me for the truth that God has given me to give them. Most of those guys wanted me to hold back a crucial, if not the most crucial, part of me, my faith in God, in order to have a relationship with them. If these people truly loved me, their actions would have been in my best interest. But they weren’t. All their actions were in their best interest. They did what felt good.

Other people have told me they loved me, and truly shown it. My mom gave up her marriage so that we children would be safe from an immature father, who was emotionally abusive. My best friend Becki will tell me the truth, that I need to hear, instead of holding back out of fear of my getting offended. Most of all, God has told me He loves me and has proven it in every action He has ever taken towards me, every single one.

So love is not what you say, it is what you do. I want to prove my love for God with my actions. I want to prove my love for my family with the way I relate to them. And when I meet the man I am going to marry, I want to prove my love to him through what I do, not only through what I say.

A Little Bit of Me

As I look back over this past decade, I wish I could rewind time, and do it all over again. I would change so much, and yet, I know this doesn’t make sense, I would change so little. I would have wanted to meet all the people I have met, been in almost all the “guy-girl” relationships I have, and experienced almost everything I have.

I remember being 8. I had a short pixie cut, wore dresses only when forced, and loved running around with the boys. I prided myself on not crying when I got hurt. I thought blood was cool and scars were the mark of an adventurer, of someone who took the road less traveled. I was more of a monkey than a little girl. I loved trees and the forest. I loved dirt and everything about dirt, especially making mud pies and mud balls. I loved taking risks, like chasing horses (which got my cheekbone shattered into dozens of pieces). I loved bugs, especially worms. I was a little tomboy. What happened to my 8-year old self???

I remember being 15. When I was 15, I was mostly the “pretty” girl, who screamed if she saw a spider, and liked wearing lip gloss and dressing up. I always wanted to be older. Sometimes my 8-year old self slipped out and I would wrestle with my sister and guy cousins, and get dirty. But, I overly cared about what other people thought, and that showed in my inhibitions.

Now I am 18, and I am finding a new self. I care less about what other people think and I like bugs again, except spiders but I never scream, unless one is actually on me. I care about improving myself spiritually and mentally. My biggest desire is no longer to find the “perfect” man but to make God happy with me, as He is as I love and obey Him.They say hindsight is 20/20, and I see the truth in this. If I could do it again, I would truly love more, forgive more, give more of myself to others, get away from the mirror and go outside more.

I have been listening to a song called, “It’s Getting Better All the Time.” I just got through one of the best and worst school terms in my entire life. It is bizarre to think that any experience can be both the best and the worst but last term was just that. If I could live it over, I would have thought more about the other person and less about my own feelings, I would have shared God’s love with everyone I met, and I would have been grateful for every day and every experience and learned from them, instead of doing the same thing over and over and making the same mistakes. Why dwell in the past? Because through learning lessons from our past, we improve our future. (Besides, I am not dwelling on the past.)

In the next decade, I want to touch everyone around me with the love of Christ. I don’t want to live based on feelings. I want to live in truth, in love, in peace, and I want to live for everyone but myself. Doesn’t that sound funny? The whole message of the world is to make yourself happy; take care of number one, etc., etc. But that is SELF-love. I want to live full of love for others, for GOD!!

A line in that song is, “God won’t make a mountain I can’t climb; it’s getting better all the time.” It is, slowly but surely. I look impatiently to the future. When I am 28, what will I be doing? Where will I be? What kind of woman will this little girl have become? Will I be proud of myself and look back on the decade, that is now in front of me, and say, “Wow! God made that decade an amazingly beautiful journey! I wouldn’t change a thing!” Will I be married? What kind of man will he be? Wouldn’t it be funny if I know that man now, and later down the line, I marry him? Who knows??? Only God, and He isn’t telling. All He is going to say now is, “I have the most perfect, happy, wonderful, marvelous life planned out for you. EVERY good desire of your heart WILL be fulfilled. But now, as you face out into the unknown, all I ask of you is that you trust me. Because this life in front of you is not a path strewn with roses. But every step you take, towards Me, towards life everlasting, I will be beside you. I will always hold your hand. And if the road gets especially rocky, you can climb into My arms, and I will carry you. Just trust me now. Just trust.”

What a fantastic, amazing day!

Today, (at least this is the day historians accord to it) two thousand years ago, MY Lord died for ME, (and for you) and rose again-FOR US!! He paved the way for us to find true, everlasting joy and peace in Him. I am forever grateful for that. Any sacrifice I can make for Him would be insignificant for the sacrifice He made for me. Happy Easter! HE IS RISEN!

"Man of Sorrows! what a name
For the Son of God, Who came
Ruined sinners to reclaim.
Hallelujah! What a Savior!

Bearing shame and scoffing rude,
In my place condemned He stood;
Sealed my pardon with His blood.
Hallelujah! What a Savior!

Guilty, vile, and helpless we;
Spotless Lamb of God was He;
“Full atonement!” can it be?
Hallelujah! What a Savior!

Lifted up was He to die;
“It is finished!” was His cry;
Now in Heav’n exalted high.
Hallelujah! What a Savior!

When He comes, our glorious King,
All His ransomed home to bring,
Then anew His song we’ll sing:
Hallelujah! What a Savior!"

"Low in the grave He lay, Jesus my Savior,
Waiting the coming day, Jesus my Lord!

Refrain
Up from the grave He arose,
With a mighty triumph o’er His foes,
He arose a Victor from the dark domain,
And He lives forever, with His saints to reign.
He arose! He arose!Hallelujah! Christ arose!

Vainly they watch His bed, Jesus my Savior;
Vainly they seal the dead, Jesus my Lord!

Refrain
Death cannot keep its Prey, Jesus my Savior;
He tore the bars away, Jesus my Lord!

Refrain"

I don't have anything to say...

I really don't. My last couple days have been pretty good because God is helping me to stay focused on Him. Today I go to my dad's for the weekend and that should be interesting, as always. So pray for me....

But first, I have to get to school early to try to get my math homework done, then an hour-long class (today is our short day, on Tues. and Thurs. it is a two-hour class,) and then, then the weekend!!!

What is my reality?

I don't feel like a slacker anymore, because I am working for my uncle again, out in OR City. I basically do a lot of repetitive stuff, like stapling airplane ribs. So I have a lot of time to think, once I have my groove down. I guess the biggest thing I have been struggling with this past week has been staying in reality about everything- about the trials in my life (which are few) and the blessings (which are many.)

Reality for me is whatever God wants it to be. What is reality for, say, the people I worked with at the pool, isn't necesarily reality for me. I mean, it didn't make sense to any of them, really, when I quit my job at a moment's notice. It doesn't make sense to people when I tell them, bluntly, that I can't really be in contact with them anymore. It doesn't make sense that I would purposely break my cell phone, so it doesn't distract me from my reality. I think when we start demanding reasons from God, that is when we have left the true Christian path of blind faith. God can see the big picture, therefore, hardly anything He does makes "sense" to us humans.

What is the big picture? We use that term a lot but what do we mean by it? I suppose the big picture is all the puzzle pieces that our human minds can't comprehend all at once, formed to make a puzzle. That didn't help did it? That's because you can't fully understand exactly what I am getting at without being in my head. THAT is the "big picture". We can't fully understand God's motives and reasons for all the seemingly bizarre things He asks us to do without being God, and we are never going to be that. So, we have to live in blind faith.

(I don't know if that helped you at all. I guess it doesn't have to, entirely, because I am writing this as much for me as I am for you.)

Another thing for you to contemplate: "No man is a fool who gives up what he cannot keep, to gain what he cannot lose." (Jim Elliot) I couldn't keep my job forever. I can't keep a friendship for the rest of my life. I can't keep anything that is physical. It would be foolish of me to try. All things that are "ours" are ours from the Lord. But, God is sometimes an "indian giver." He loans us things to take care of but not always forever. We can't get mad at Him when He takes back what is rightfully His!! The only way to prevent heartbreak when God takes things away from us (always in our best interest, mind you!) is to not cling to them. It really is that simple. So my new plan of attack is this: whenever I make a new friend, or grow closer to old ones, I do it with open hands, (and same with anything physical.) In the past, I held onto things that were dear to me with white-knuckled fists; therefore, it hurt when God ripped them away from me. Now, I say, "Thank You, Lord, for this blessing. I only desire what You want for me, Lord, so if this isn't Your will, I will obey and be content in the knowledge that You know best." When we do this, we "gain what we cannot lose:" eternal life. This is God's promise to us.

A Different Sort of Love

Looking back over the past 5 years, I remember quite a few guys who "liked" me. Interestingly, they all liked the exact same things about me,

1. My physical appearance: this includes my "beauty," my athleticism, etc.
2. My humor/wit
3. My love/ability to have a very good time at whatever I do

I have also "liked" quite a few guys. I liked unique things about each of them but a similar vein is apparent; I liked,

1. Their outward appearance (esp. their eyes and smile, their height/stength (but not to a huge extent.))
2. Their ability to make me laugh (i.e. humor)
3. Certain things about their nature (i.e. cavalier towards women, gentle, smart, perceptive (to feelings, needs, etc.), masculinity etc.)
4. Attraction to the same things, hobbies, etc. as me

But the more time I spend thinking about these things, the more I realize that I want to be liked, and to like, for who I am spiritually, not who I am physically.

My physical appearance is like a quickly fading flower. As I look at my grandmother, I can see that anyone looking at her from a purely physical perspective would see an old woman, worn down and tired. When I look at all the old photographs we have of her, I see an amazingly beautiful woman, the sort that makes you take a second look at her when she is walking down the street. Today, she is nothing like that. But when I look at her, I still see a radiating beauty in her face. She shines with Christ's love from the moment she wakes up to the moment she goes to sleep. She is in great physical pain sometimes, but she never, never complains and goes out of her way to lighten our days and lift us up.Everyone who meets her, loves her for this, not for her outward appearance.

At school, I have been making myself go towards the people who are not "beautiful" and witty, because often, I have discovered, the least attractive people have the best, most constructive things to say.

When I sit in my math class, three incredibly attractive girls and a handsome boy sit at the table to the right of mine. I am naturally drawn to them. But as I listen to their conversations they never say anything of value, and all they talk about is boyfriends, manicures, and movies. This is because what they truly care about it is what they look like. I am not saying there is anything wrong with taking care of your outward appearance, but I am saying that when your appearance is who you are, therein lies the problem.

So my problem is that all the guys who have liked me, have liked me for fairly physical reasons. Even though liking me for my humor/wit is slightly better than for my face, my mind could be taken from me by a stroke or a crippling fall. Anything that is physical is fleeting.

However, I don't think it is the fault of those guys because they are liking me because of what were the biggest features about me. I mean to say, what have I been cultivating for the past few years? Have I been studying the big issues in this world? Or have I most cared about what is the biggest fashion faux-paus? To say I haven't cared about this big issues at all, is a little extreme. But I haven't cared to the extent that I cared about things that are "here today and gone tomorrow."

I have been thinking about this all morning and have to come to these conclusions:

1. It would give me great joy if the next time a guy told me he liked me, he did not mention anything about my appearance. But if he instead said, "Liberty, what I love you about is your passion for the Lord. I love that you ignite the people around you with a love for the Lord. I love that I can sit and talk with you for hours about big ideas and about Christian apologetics and politics. I love you because Christ is in you."
2. It would also give me great joy if I could reach the point where when I became attracted to a guy, it would be because he inspired and challenged me to grow more in Christ and become closer to Him. The Bible gives the man a position of authority over us women and I have no problem with that. I just need to get to the place where the kind of man I am attracted to is just that kind of man, not one who is at a less or equal place of maturity as me (like I have been doing for the past few years.)

But for now, I am just working on the basics: I am building up my ability to live in complete blind faith in Christ, grow in courage about witnessing at school, and learning to not care what other peoples' opinion of me is-only what their opinion of God is.