Friday, April 29, 2005


Everyone, absolutely everyone needs to read Psalm 127. And for you lazy ones I typed it out. I like the first part the best. But I felt compelled to copy the whole thing.


1 Unless the Lord builds the house,
They labor in vain who build it;
Unless the Lord guards the city,
The watchman stays awake in vain.
2 It is vain for you to rise up early,
To retire late,
To eat the bread of painful labors;
For so He gives His beloved even in their sleep.

3 Behold, children are a gift from the Lord,
The fruit of the womb is a reward.
4 Like arrows in the hand of a warrior,
So are the children of one's youth.
5 Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them;
They shall not be ashamed,
But shall speak with their enemies in the gate

I am just standing here-PLEASE ignore me!!!

I was a linesman for my little sister's volleyball game today. It was my first time and it was nerve-wracking!!!!! Mom and Verity said I looked really upset but my knees hurt and I was really nervous to not make a mistake. (Even though somehow, I don't think that YMCA parents are the type to mob a "ref" after a bad call but I have seen a few close calls.)

Anyway, it was all pretty dull, except there was one time when the ball was REALLY close to the line. Everyone, I mean everyone, was looking at me. So I crossed my fingers and said "out." It must have been right because Verity's coach said "Good call." Phew.

The rest of the game I just stood there, trying not to look stupid, and also trying to make sure I didn't use the hand signals for "out" when I meant "in." My palms got all cold and kind of sweaty and my heart beat a little hard. (Maybe that was the X-large Pepsi I had just consumed.) Either way....


Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Rain Dancing

After a long day at work and errands, I let myself go....go dancing, that is.

Today was a gorgeous day. It was sunny and warm (somewhere around 75 degrees.) There was a slight breeze and the wonderful smell of budding trees and flowers. But around 6 o'clock the sky darkened ominously and the clouds convened to make swirling forces of danger in the sky. It was incredibly beautiful, breath-taking in fact.

I saw it looming off in the distance. And true to form, the rain came, much harder than I expected, actually. It splattered in giant drops on my windshield. The wipers had a hard time keeping up with the intake.

We drove home and safely as possible which meant going 5 miles per hour slower than the high-school boy in the Thunderbird behind would have liked. But we made it and my brother and sister were exclaiming how they were so excited to go run and bike in the torrential downpour. I thought they were crazy.

But I thought about a much younger me and how I would have been out there in my swimsuit splashing through the puddles and sitting in the flooded gutters til they dammed up and over-flowed. I would have screamed and ran and splashed more than any other kid on the block.

So I decided to let go of my teenage self for one moment and forget about what my stylish peer across the street or the adults would think of my silliness. I just let go.

And it was AWESOME!!!!! At first I told myself that I was crazy and that I would get sick or something. But I know I won't. It felt so freeing and it made me so happy to go back 8 years and....

dance in the rain.

Friday, April 22, 2005

Miscellaneous Observations

I am having to give and go through tough love. Since I am experiencing both ends- I would have to say it is harder to give than to receive.

But both ways make you stronger.

I had a wonderful conversation at the college pool the other day. I had been weight-lifting and then I went to swim for 20 minutes to cool off. But I changed my mind and got out after 10 and went and sat in the hot tub. An older guy (33 yrs.) came in and started talking to me. He told me he wanted to be in the Peace Corps. after talking for a while and then he told me that he is anti-religion, anti-God. I am about as opposite that opinion as you can be (well, guess not sinc I wouldn't say I am a radical) and I said so. Anyway, we talked about theology and everything for an hour!! I was boiling in the hot tub so I eventually just sat on the steps to avoid letting my blood reach boiling point. :)

Anyway, it was really good practice and I also worked on my listening skills and I am proud to say that I did not interupt him ONCE. Either way, I held my own very well, with God's help.

I need to take a shower before bed so I have to rush. Plus, I have to think of a speech AND write it before Tuesday morning and I cannot think of anything at all.

The other thing is that I got a temp job teaching swim lessons. I am going to work at the Cenntennial High School pool, coaching 5th-graders for 5 hours, 5 days a week, for 4 weeks. I am going to make $10/ hour so that is great. I will finally have enough money for my car. Thank you, Lord!!

One more thing: I accidentally poked the shutter of my camera several weeks ago and bent it. I took it to the camera repair shop today and they said it would cost $150 to replace it so I just bought a $125 used camera which is actually a year newer than my old one. So I am out a bit, money-wise, but it is okay. It is SO worth it to me.

Well, I have to go. Please pray for me about my speech on Tuesday.



Monday, April 11, 2005

Pachelbel's Kanon in D Major...

... is sooo beautiful. I don't care if anyone thinks that it is crazy if I only listen to Irish and classical music, that I can't stand any rock or rap, and that I think that Britney Spears, oh, Federline, and Christina Aguilera and the rest should be peacefully removed to Sweden where they can undergo a 12-step program called "First Acceptance, Then Appreciation, Finally- Adoration of All Classical Music."

But that would only happen in my dreams. Too bad.

I am really tired today. I got a cold and all that jazz. I have to get up at 5:30 tomorrow morning to go to a Toastmasters group that has only 3 other people in it. Then since my mom has to go to a hair appointment, I have to walk home. Anyone who wants to swing by and pick me up-feel free. Call my cell for the address. Hahaha!!


Wednesday, April 06, 2005

So, oh, so, so sore!!

I could barely get out of bed this morning. It isn't that I am terribly out of shape either. (Okay, maybe a little bit...) It was that some of the muscles you use to snowboard aren't used in day-to-day life.

Anyway, someone really should remind me to wear sunscreen next time. My cheeks got burned but not as bad as they could have if I hadn't been wearing foundation. Also, wierdest of all was that my EYES got sunburned. They are red today but not painful.

I went to lap swim to try and work out the kinks and that helped- a little. After I swam for 30 minutes or so I went and sat in the hot tub but 10 minutes and it would have been the most beneficial but I got too hot in there.

Either way- I would definitely go through all this again for the rush of snowboarding. My one regret is not boarding for longer. :)

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

I am now a snowboard chic!

Hahaha. Whatever. But I did okay for my first time and I made it down the mountain once. It was rad. (Is that an archaic term now? Someone tell me. Hahaha.)

Anyway- my two cousins (very nicely) invited me to come boarding with them. My guy cousin is a pro at it and he took some hard runs after informing me and my girl cousin/best friend of the basics. He was a good teacher and he helped us go up and down the beginner slope a couple times. Then he took us over to the big ski lift that goes to around 5,200 feet up the mountain and told us to just take it slow and that he would meet us later.

We got lost following the signs down so we switched back and forth a couple times and avoided getting hit by the good boarders and skiers. I made it down pretty well though.

The wierd thing is that I was best when I went down the runs with my back facing downhill and glancing over my shoulder. Then I could do it like a "pro" and do the whole curvy thing too. But when I turned and faced forwards I fell a lot. But when we went to the higher slopes, I got the hang of it pretty quick.

Anyway-I am totally hooked. Too bad I can't afford to go very often because of the exorbitant lift rates. However if anyone wants to invite me the next time you go up the mountain, I'll scrounge up the money somewhere. :)

Sunday, April 03, 2005

Life is so.....

..unneccessarily complicated sometimes.

Why do insecure people feel the need to stomp on others which only results in a temporary power surge which results in more insecurity if the victim doesn't react in the expected "fold and crumple" routine?

Why do we care so much about what others think of us?

Why do we need the world's approval to feel valid?

These questions may seem really self-explanatory to some people and I guess they are but I want to share my journey that ended with the answers to these age-old questions.

No one can say that being homeschooled has stunted my strength to fend off peer pressure and insults. I think it prepared me for the next thing that happened in regards to dealing with others my age.

I joined the swim team. Actually, I had been on the swim team for over 5 years but I was advanced through the ranks to the elite Senior team, run by a nationally ranked coach.

I remember being so scared my first day. But I was really glad that I had some friends, who had previously joined this group, to help me find a niche in the tightly knit, exclusive ranks of the Senior swimmers (who I might add are almost all nationally ranked swimmers.)

But I was wrong. I was rejected almost from the first by most of them and all of the girls but one or two and I came home in tears many nights out of the week.

I remember feeling confused and angry because I didn't do or say anything to them to bring out this instant cold front from them.

Now I understand more.

The girls were all insecure. We were being taught by a very sight-oriented coach who insisted that all the girls lose ridiculous amounts of weight. I remember how mad all the girls were when he started having a "girls" meeting and a "boys" meeting. With the girls, he talked extensively on weight loss issues and dieting, and with the boys he talked about technique and stroke-work.

This resulted in most of the girls upping their dieting even if they were at the perfect body weight for them. This resulted in eating disorders and loss of self-confidence. I blame our coach and the media for this. They, collectively, ruined these poor girls, some of them, for life.

Therefore, since they felt so horrible about themselves, they attacked those lower in the "food chain." In other words, I was their therapuetical scape-goat, because I didn't respond to our coach the way they did. Sure I was a little scared of him but I had joined the team with a sense of contentment with my body and they didn't have any contement.

This went on and on and on, escalating at times when I had to swim freestyle because of a shoulder injury when everyone else was swimming a long butterfly set. Or when I had to use a pull buoy to avoid further knee damage when everyone else was partaking in a grueling kick set.

I was used and abused, so to speak.

Many girls would come out of this experience scarred for life. However, I have closed that chapter of my life entirely differently.

First, I do have body image issues. I was and am a curvy (not fat!) young woman. It was hard to be around 100-lb. women and not feel insecure. It would be for anyone. But I think this will help me to become stronger as I work through this area in my life and become content with my curves again. They have all conformed to Hollywood's (and our coach's) ideal.

Second, I have come out of this experience with a decreased interest in what people think of me. All that I care about is what God thinks of me.

I found out on Saturday, by a "friend", that I was hated to the utmost on that team. They had no reason, no excuse. My mom says it is because I am strong and confident, in the Lord. May it always be that way.

The only other option is to end up empty and joyless when our beauty fades and our skin sags and our glorious muscles grow weak and our sarcastic, quick brain gets old and slow.

Who knows how much time we will have to waste worrying about weight and the world's opinion? Life goes by in the blink of an eye.

Don't waste it. Live in joy and peace in Christ.