Thursday, December 22, 2005

Nearly Christmas!!!

I have a bunch of stuff to tell you...

1. My grandma moved in with us. She has my room and I am sharing with my sister. She is 90, so she is less and less self-sufficient but she is such a blessing to all of us. She NEVER complains and is so sweet. She is a good influence to me. I complain too much and have too little patience.

2. I cut my hair-SHORT. It is really cute I think. But sometimes I really really miss my long hair. It was getting really long (nearly past my shoulder blades.)

3. I am all signed up for college classes in the winter at MHCC. I am taking Writing 121, Math 95, and American Government. Classes start January 9th, the day after my 18th birthday!! :) I am so excited!

4. I got back from visiting Kate up in Canada on Tuesday. I was supposed to come back Monday but there was a freak ice storm in the greater Portland area so no one would have been able to get me from the train station.
In Canada, I went to her school on Friday, snowboarding on Saturday, church on Sunday, the mall and a Christmas party on Monday and home on Tuesday. We had a lot of fun.

So all is well with us. I have church tonight and on Christmas Eve, the Pikes are coming for the yearly party at our house. One of my best guy friends (basically my adopted big brother) is sharing Christmas with us this year cause his family lives in Cali. We are all excited to have him. (Our house is usually full of girls and one 12-year old boy most of the time so it is always nice when a man comes over. :) )

Sorry for leaving you hanging so long. I will try to update sooner next time.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Giving thanks...every single day!!

This Thanksgiving Day, Christians across the nation are stopping their regular schedule to give thanks to God. But I guess, aside from the turkey, stuffing, and whipped cream, this day is much like any other of my days, at least recently. Allow me to explain with several Bible verses, Luke 7:40-50.
I have been forgiven so many times in my life and especially just recently as you all know. Well, what some of you don't know is that as a direct result of that forgiveness, I have more joy and thanksgiving in my heart everyday than I have had for a long while. I think this reflects back on those verses, I have been forgiven much, therefore I am more grateful than perhaps someone who had a very easy conversion experience.
A few days after my latest, and last quote-un-quote "born yet again" event, I wrote a poem about Christ's gift of sacrifice and mercy to me.

"Pieces of me,
Shattered, scattered,
There on the carpet.
Drops of tears glisten,
Shimmer, sparkle
Among the shiny shards.

Pieces of me.

Pieces of pride,
Glory, honor,
30 pieces of silver,
Pieces of me.

Pain was the price.
Blood the sacrifice,
Thorns and lashes.
Misery, death.

The white lamb was murdered,
Slaughtered for the ransom
To buy back the pieces
And build a new me.

Pieces of me
Once scattered are gathered,
Refined to pure gold.
Molded and shaped
To reflect the great God
Who died for me.

Now I stand firm
Upon my foundation.
Once I was broken,
Now I am free.”

This gift of saving blood is what I am most thankful for this Thanksgiving. Believe me, I fully understand that it may never be offered to me again so I am not taking any chances on getting myself broken again. From now until the day I die, I am going to be the little sheep that sticks the closest to the shepherd, the little mirror that reflects God's greatness and holiness to the world, the soldier that although a little frightened at the risks loves his commander so much that he would die for him. So as Uncle John always says, "Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition!!!"

-Thanksgiving 2005
-age 17

Friday, November 18, 2005

I have a GOOD reason this time!!

I have a good reason for not writing in two weeks. My house is kind of upside down right now because my grandmother is moving into our house, actually into my room. So I moved out, downstairs to Serena's room which is 50% of the basement so it isn't too cramped but it is odd-shaped so it seems really small now. Anyway, then I ripped up the carpet, helped put down Pergo, and painted the walls with Verity. So it has been a pretty bizarre week.
Oh yeah...I went and took the college placement test and placed in Writing 121, Math 95, and Reading 117. So overall, I did pretty well. I also filled out my admissions form and now I am ready for winter term, I just have to see an advisor and sign up for classes. Yippee! (Should I be happy? I mean I am facing a ton more schoolwork than usual...I can handle it.)
Well, I have to got to my dad's in 20 minutes so I have to go. Toodles.

Monday, November 07, 2005


Wahoo.Wahoo.Wahoo.Wahoo.Wahoo.Wahoo. I am SO happy. Now I can go get started on college. Ooh, that is a wet blanket. Nevermind!! I am so happy, happy, happy!!!! Let's have a party!!!! :)

Goodbye, high school!!! (You have no idea how elated I am right now!!!)

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Sicker than a dog.....

On a scale of one to 10, 10 being the greatest and one being the lowest, I am about a 4, which is better than some people and I realize that but I feel pretty icky. I have that kind of sickness that makes your sinuses swell, your throat hurt, and gives you a tiny fever to boot. Joy, joy, joy!! :)

But I am still grateful for how good I do have it. This week at work has been pretty stressful too but reasons I won't go in to but I am "a survivor" as Reba puts it so well.

Oh yeah, the allotted time for me to finish high school (four years to the day) is very very near. I need to quick get done with algebra and then-GOODBYE, HIGH SCHOOL!! I would have been done much much earlier but I was really really lazy up until now. That's sad, eh? Yeah, but I learned my lesson.

Well, I have a hot cup of Stash's Sandman tea, warm covers, and a good book waiting for me.

Good night.

Behind the Battle....


By Rev. Ted Pike

On October 20th, the Senate Judiciary Committee voted not to add Senator Edward Kennedy’s “anti-hate” bill, S.1145, onto the Children’s Safety Act, H.R.3132.

This effectively blocked further movement of the House version of the hate bill (passed as Amdt. 2662) toward a vote in the Senate. This was a shocking reversal for the homosexual lobby, a powerful force behind all anti-hate legislation.

Since then, I have been calling Senators who support and oppose the hate bill, attempting to discover what really happened in Judiciary. This is vital to ascertain the prospects of passage of this Orwellian legislation.

What I have discovered is sobering.

To understand the possible success or defeat of the hate bill, we have to first comprehend the motivations and pressures upon Senator Edward Kennedy. Kennedy has powerful groups pressuring him, notably the pedophile lobby - an emerging political force in the Capitol. They are becoming increasingly visible and vocal through such political action groups as NAMBLA, the North American Man/Boy Love Association. Pedophiles hate the Children’s Safety Act and its similar Sex Offender Registration and Notification Act of 2005, S.1086. These bills were created and sponsored not by liberals but by conservative Republicans who also oppose the hate bill (such as Hatch, Sensenbrenner, and DeLay). S.1086 and H.R.3132 are extremely punitive toward convicted pedophiles. Kennedy’s pedophile supporters demand that he do his best to weaken legislation that punishes those who sexually molest little boys and girls.

Enter the eight Republican members of the Judiciary Committee. On October 20, 2005 they were determined to block Kennedy’s hate bill but were outvoted in Judiciary 10 to 8. Yet they had something Kennedy wanted: power to water down the Sex Offender bill. Result: Kennedy and the Republicans struck a deal. Parts of the Sex Offender Act were diluted to make Kennedy’s pedophiles happier. In return, Kennedy agreed not to force a vote in Judiciary to add S.1145 to the Children’s Safety Act, a vote he would have won. Since S.1145 is a “stand-alone” bill, Kennedy knew he could press that issue later when he will try to attach S.1145 to the Sex Offender Act on the floor of the Senate.

Republican opponents of the hate bill had no other choice.


Meanwhile, conservatives in Congress who are pushing the anti-pedophile legislation are very weary of its being labeled “Orwellian” by the religious political right and lumped together with the anti-hate bill. Many on the Right object to the Children’s Safety and Sex Offender Acts because they authorize federal control and punishment of sex offenders, a prerogative such strict constitutionalists believe resides with the states. While this legislation does increase federalization of law enforcement, I have studied S.1086 carefully and do not find it invasive of the rights of anyone except sex offenders. Already, the government can intervene in states’ rights if it finds voter fraud, jury tampering, slavery, or crimes involving interstate commerce. Republican originators of S.1086 believe that child molestation, pornography, child prostitution, etc. are of such epidemic national proportions that only the federal government can most effectively deal with them.

Senator Frist and anti-pedophile Republicans desire that patriots call their Senators, not only opposing Kennedy’s hate bill but also convincing a majority of Senators to vote for the Sex Offender Act. They feel that strong Senate support behind S.1086 would give Republican leadership a strong position to not only pass anti-pedophile legislation but also restrain Kennedy’s attempts to attach his hate bill to it.
In my opinion, blocking Kennedy and his hate bill is of enormously greater importance than passing the Sex Offender Act. Yet I believe this pro-family legislation should be encouraged. The least that should be done, even by those who disagree with its federalist complexion, is to protest the hate bill, not the Sex Offender Act.


The Republican strategy has been to derail the Children’s Safety Act with its hate bill attachment, Amdt. 2662, and create another Senate version of that act, S.1086. Thus, if Kennedy should succeed in attaching S.1145, then the House and Senate versions will be different, necessitating conference between the House and Senate. Since Kennedy’s hate bill probably cannot be defeated by a vote in the Senate, referral to conference would be a boon to all who love free speech.

Four times over the past six years the hate bill has been passed by the Senate yet rejected in conference, thanks to the vigilance of feisty House Republican conferees. Those four times, the hate bill sailed through the Senate Judiciary Committee. It did not this time because eight Republican Senators had overwhelmingly heard from the people forbidding them to let the hate bill through. It was because of their obedience to that resounding voice of the people that they were even willing to allow their cherished Sex Offender Act to be weakened.

Clearly, Providence and the voice of protest helped empower defeat of the hate bill in Judiciary on October 20, 2005.

It is time to not only pray for Divine deliverance but also to continue to saturate the Senate against Kennedy’s hate bill. We must call, email, and call again because our freedom and that of our children depends upon it.
The toll free number for members of the Senate is 1-888-355-3588. Come to for a list of 100 Senators, plus many hate laws articles. The full text of S.1145 with commentary by Rev. Pike is available at this website.
Get educated fast on the origins and ambitions of the hate laws! Ted Pike’s gripping, fast-moving documentary, “Hate Laws: Making Criminals of Christians,” is now available on DVD. Order for $24.90 at, by calling 503-631-3808, or at the address below.

TALK SHOW HOSTS: Ted Pike is available for interviews at 503-631-3808.

NATIONAL PRAYER NETWORK, P. O. Box 828, Clackamas, OR 97015

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Quote of the Month-Martin Luther

This is a really good quote. I don't really have a ton to say about it because it is so self-explanatory. So just, enjoy it!

"I have held many things in my hands, and have lost them all; but whatever I have placed in God's hands, that I still possess."

-Martin Luther

I have so much energy!!! (Blame the endorphins.)

I didn't have coffee, I didn't have caffiented sodas, I didn't get high on Halloween candy...okay yeah, I confess, I went to the store this morning to cash in on the only thing Halloween is good for- post-Halloween sales on candy in awesome little mini bags. I have already eaten at least six bags of peanut M&M's and numerous "twin-wrapped" Starbursts.

But don't call me the ultimate couch potato. I went to the gym and worked out for nearly 2 hours.

Speaking of the gym, I always stretch for about 20 minutes before working out and one of the stretches I do is a "killer" (cause it hurts) back bend. I am getting pretty flexible at that and have moved on to balancing on two feet and one hand or two hands and one foot which surprisingly takes a lot of core strength. But that is beside the point...

I had just complimented one of the really, really buff guys on the poundage he was doing squats with (you know, the bar that goes over their shoulders and lifts a certain amount of pounds with pulleys). He said he used to be able to lift more than that but I said it was impressive to me.

I continued stretching and did one of my back bends and when I came out of it, he said, "Now THAT is impressive." I said that girls are supposed to be flexible and guys are supposed to be buff and he agreed.

I don't know why I told you all that but I did. Wierd....Hahaha!! I am way too random sometimes.

I got some really good books on pro-life arguments today. All this studying about the wicked things women do to their babies makes me feel maternal. I want kids. Not now of course but when I get married.

Well, thanks for bearing with my ultra-randomness tonight. Hope you enjoy the quote of the month!!

Saturday, October 29, 2005

So discouraged....

I went with my friend to her church tonight. (I never did get to go on a hike.) It was depressing because they have NOTHING to offer us young people. We went to the high school/college meeting and a couple of times I kind of considered standing up and saying something but I didn't. It would have taken SO much guts to do that especially with what I had to say. But I wasn't lead and I didn't have anything specific to say because the Holy Spirit didn't lead me. But I feel lead now and I wrote a letter to their youth pastor which I am still working on and trying to get everything ironed out. So pray for me please.

9:01 AM-Anybody wanna go for a hike??

Today is wet but I really, really want to go for a hike. My mom wants me to paint my little brother's room but that is such a solitary, exhausting task. I want to be with people, specifically these people: Mark, Johnny, Harmony, Becki, and Marianne. But that won't happen cause Harmony is doing homework and Mark is going to hang with Freeman. Bummer. Well, I find something to do.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

While it's a victory, not much time to celebrate....


By Rev. Ted Pike

October 20th, in a stunning surprise, the Senate Judiciary Committee, led by Senator Orrin Hatch, refused to pass S.1145, “The Local Law Enforcement Crime Prevention Act of 2005.”

Yet, Senator Edward Kennedy still intends to pass the hate crimes bill. He wants to reattach it to the new version of the Children’s Safety Act, “The Sex Offender Registration and Notification Act,” S.1086.

Although rebuffed by the Senate Judiciary Committee, Senator Kennedy is confident, considering the 65 to 33 vote in the Senate in June 2004, that S.1145 will easily be passed by the Senate as an attachment to S.1086.

In light of the pro-hate bill record of both House and Senate, Kennedy’s threat must be taken very seriously.

It is vital that all who cherish freedom do the following:

1. Come to for a list of the 55 Republican Senators who will soon decide the fate of freedom of speech. Call every Senator toll free at 1-888-355-3588 or toll at 1-202-225-3121. Tell them: “Please do not approve the hate bill S.1145 when Senator Kennedy reintroduces it in the Senate.”

2. Fax or email the attached flyer to all 55 Senators. Contact information is available at their websites through a link at

What happened yesterday in Judiciary was a tremendous victory, especially considering that pro-hate bill Senators outnumbered those opposed to it by 10 to 8. This is a direct result of a tidal wave of emails and phone calls that have gone to members of the Senate.

Yet, convincing the liberal Senate at large to reject S.1145 will be a very tough, uphill fight. We have had a first victory, but only by all of us doing our part, and with God’s help, can we win the upcoming battle in the Senate.


For the complete text of S.1145, with Rev. Ted Pike’s astute commentary, come to

TALK SHOW HOSTS: Rev. Ted Pike is available for interviews at 1-503-631-3808.

NATIONAL PRAYER NETWORK, P. O. Box 828, Clackamas, OR 97015

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Thanks!! (Ever so much!!)

In a little less than a month, I will have been blogging for one whole year! I just wanted to say thanks to you if you come to my blog in ANY regular pattern or at least more than once. I have 885 hits now which I think is pretty good considering how tiny and unimportant this blog is. :) If you have any comments, critical or complimentary of this blog, I would very much appreciate to hear from, that sounded so, so, I dunno-fake. But I really do truly mean it.

So-thanks!! I am very grateful for this outlet because even if no one else ever looked at it, I still feel compelled to add to it in order to cultivate my writing skills. :)

Monday, October 17, 2005

October Book Review

This month's fabulous book is "Life At The Extremes: The Science of Survival," by Frances Ashcroft. I give it 4 1/2 stars.

Pros: Very, very rich in evidence that easily proves intelligent design. Easy to read and fascinating. She has separated the book into several different sections such as extreme heat, cold, and pressure to name a few and then subdivided them into smaller segments. I mention this because this book was so captivating to me that I found it hard to put down at night and it was helpful to tell myself, "Just to the next heading." :)

Cons: While Ms. Ashcroft often headed each new section with a selection from the book of Psalms, she laced the entire rest of the book with little hints of evolution such as suggesting that some fact proved that humans evolved when it would actually strongly lead anyone with an open mind to the idea, nay, the fact of intelligent design. She may have been trying to strike a blow for Darwin's theory but she was really just seeming rather far-out and ridiculous.

Summary: I strongly suggest that anyone who is the least bit interested in science read this book and I even more firmly request that anyone who is a creationist/Christian read this book because it holds many, many wonderful truths that can be used against evolutionists in a debate.

Sunday, October 16, 2005


I want to just get some thoughts out about Halloween, in regards to Christians. I found a really good website that has some really good articles on it. Here is a segment on Halloween that I thought was really good.

"Many Christian parents are concerned about what Halloween really is. We know that it is of Druidical origin which means that it was part of the Druid religion. In essence, Druidism is the worship of evil spirits, especially of druids who were believed to dwell in trees. There were priests in the Druid religion and like all pagan religions, Druidism revolved around the worship of evil spirits, and offerings to them to insure the welfare of the worshippers.


The name of the festival in early days (and it is still found in Ireland) meant "Satan's Watch." It was the night given over to Satan and his demons to work all the evil they wanted in the hope they would leave people unmolested the rest of the year. A fire was commonly kept burning on that night. The ghosts of the dead were dreaded and feared and men were thought to be restless in their graves because of something that happened in their life on earth. They were supposed to come back from the dead to take vengeance on those who were descended from people who had wronged them. People commonly locked themselves in their houses and spent the night in terror, letting the devil have his fling and do his worst.

Spiritualism and witchcraft is very real and we should not be providing our children with this opportunity for involvement. Many, if not all of our Halloween customs have their roots in these ancient beliefs. The witch on the broomstick and the jack-o-lantern are the symbols of Halloween. The witch, of course, is the personification of evil which is a substitute for Satan. The jack-o-lantern symbolizes the fire that was kept burning in the houses of those who feared Satan's worst. In fact the jack-o-lantern is always lit up (there is a fire there) so as to frighten away the devil.


Dressing up in costumes and "trick or treating" to the neighbors is a carry over of the idea of making an offering to Satan and to the spirits to appease them. "Trick or treating" is a modern form of saying "offering or revenge." The grotesque and horrible masks our young people wear making themselves look like skeletons, dead people, or horrible monsters are symbolizing Satan and inspiring fear to get an offering.

Satan likes Halloween celebrations because this is a glorification of evil. Most people naturally do not think of it in this way. We believe it is all done in fun. Is it wise to have our children dress up like the devil and have "fun" in a devilish form? Can this possibly please God? After all, Ephesians 6:2 tells us that we are in a spiritual battle against Satan and his demons when it says. "for we wrestle not against flesh and blood but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. When the Word of God teaches this, do you think it is right to celebrate a night given over to our enemy, Satan? When we poke fun and joke about the spirit world, we are encouraging ourselves and our children to believe that this doesn't really exist. When we allow our children to dress up like witches and ghosts we are allowing them to treat lightly what God treats seriously in His Word. Exodus 22:18, Deuteronomy 18:10, and several other scriptures tell us that this is wrong. Those who don't know about the origin and meaning of Halloween are feeding their own belief into the Word of God when they treat lightly and celebrate what God hates. Satan camouflages himself amidst fun and gaiety and gets people to belittle his power and activity among men or even completely deny it. It is a very clever trick of the enemy."

Sunday, September 25, 2005


By Rev. Ted Pike

Passage of Thought Crimes Bill Spells Doom to Free Talk Radio
In a surprising move, the House of Representatives on September 14, 2005 approved “The Local Law Enforcement Hate Crimes Prevention Act of 2005,” HR2662, as an amendment to the Children’s Safety Act, HR3132. It was approved 223-199.

The Senate is expected to also approve a similar amendment within a month.

This federal legislation, orchestrated by the Anti-Defamation League of B’nai B’rith will lead to creation of a vast anti-hate bureaucracy in America, similar to what now exists in Canada. In Canada it is a “hate crime” to publicly criticize such federally protected groups as homosexuals and Jews. In Canada free speech talk radio no longer exists. It is even illegal now in some areas to evangelize or “proselytize” in public.

HR2662, S1145, while ostensibly punishing only violent hate crimes, nevertheless creates an anti-hate bureaucracy through several means:

It breaks down all barriers between federal and states’ rights in law enforcement. It allows federal “thought police” to meddle, upon the flimsiest of pretexts, in states’ enforcement of civil rights laws.

It requires all states to pass and enforce ADL-style anti-hate laws.

It enforces nationwide the working ADL definition of “hate” as being “bias” against federally protected groups, such as homosexuals. Such automatically makes the Bible into “hate literature” and preaching from it into “hate speech.” Result: Bible-believing Christians become potential hate criminals.
The nation was aghast last October 10th when the ADL’s national executive board member, Lynne Abraham, D.A. of Philadelphia, arrested 11 Christians as hate criminals. Her charge: Their preaching was “biased” against homosexuals. They were “hate criminals” because they used an “instrument of crime” (a megaphone) to express “hate speech,” (Bible verses) against homosexuals.

If this “big brother legislation” becomes law, the ADL and federal government will, through enabling legislation and judicial precedents, be exponentially empowered to indict Christians. Pastors, talk show hosts, publishers, critics of Israel, etc. will be liable to arrest just like the Philadelphia Eleven.


Approval by the House last week does not mean that the members of the House or Senate, by granting approval, will have cast their final vote on this Orwellian legislation. Approving an amendment to a bill is not the same as passing a bill on its own terms. Final approval will come only after conference between the House and Senate decides whether this hate bill, in amendment form, should be included in passage of a children’s protection bill. Until then, members of the House and Senate are free to change their votes. It is vital that all lovers of freedom and free speech protest now!

Last spring, on June 15, this same legislation was approved by the Senate in amendment form. However, largely as a result of non-stop, wide publicity against it by the National Prayer Network, and many talk-show hosts, it was defeated in conference between the House and Senate on Oct 8, 2004. The same can happen again if Americans will raise a holy howl of protest against the theft of our First Amendment freedoms.


To protest to your members of Congress, call toll free 1-877-762-8762.

It is time to get educated fast on the dangers of hate crime legislation. Ted Pike’s gripping video documentary, “Hate Laws: Making Criminals of Christians,” (now available on DVD) will give you, your pastor, and your church or civic club a complete education on the origins and ambitions of hate laws worldwide.

Come to to order this video online at $24.90 postage paid or to read many more articles on hate laws.

Talk show hosts: It is time for another dynamic interview on this subject with Ted Pike. Call 503-631-3808.

NATIONAL PRAYER NETWORK, P. O. Box 828, Clackamas, OR 97015

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Glitter and Glamour

I adore glitter and shiny sequins and silky fabrics with lace edging. Bright colors but not too bright or at least not all-over-brightness, with metal flower pins and big dangly earrings-yet all in moderation so as not to appear gaudy or old-womanish. (By old-womanish I am reffering to a dear old lady I met at the pool who never fails to arrive in skin-tight, polyester/spandex capris and and cleavage baring hot pink, white, or lime green tops, 'gracefully' covered with a loose smockish shirt.) But I diverge from my point.
What is the point? I guess I have been thinking about style a little more than usual lately as I near closer to my Cali trip. Oh, didn't I tell you? I am going to South Cali on Sunday for 6 days. I even made an attempt to highlight my hair but sadly it came out red. Make sure you make a point to look at my hair the next time you see it me; it is really quite funny. I think it must sound very shallow of me to be talking about fashion so much and doing extra things before I go to visit my multi-millionaire relatives and share beach space with tan, built surfer boys. So please do excuse me, this is just a very small part of my personality but I felt liking writing about it today.
Southern Cali is definitely all about glitz and glamour at least in the areas I will be visiting. I think that it will all seem rather excessive and repulsive to me though considering how much more mature I have grown to be since last time I visited SoCal and how much I hated it then.
We shall see.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005


I am really really frustrated right now. One cause I just finished writing a really really good blog thingy and I accidentally erased and two, because, well read on...

I am really really really upset. It always surprise me to what great heights of emotion the human mind can go-from cloud nine to the pits of despair. (I am not quite there yet.) But I guess this is what life is-life is messy.

Life IS messy. Life is sometimes like a mirror that shatters into millions of pieces in front of you and you feel like you could never even begin to pick them all up and reassemble them into some kind of order. But I guess when we feel that way we need to remember that life is just that-a mirror and sometimes the greatest good in life comes when that mirror shatters and we stop seeing our reflection, our miseries, our issues, and we see the real deal and how insignificant we are in the grand scheme of things.

I need to remember that. I also need to remember that I should NEVER change for a guy or even attempt to because you will also fail in some way or feel unfulfilled because someone fits him and you shouldn't try to change who you are because you fit another guy you just haven't met yet. I guess what I am trying to say is I will never stop like celtic music, classical masterpieces, and poetry to a guy who doesn't even fully know who he is. The world is full of girls who will do that I don't need to join the army of trend-followers and insecure girls. I need to be strong in this because I will be a much better person with more ways to change the world I live in.

I am not a follower or a girl who just wants to get married, settle down and have kids. I want to change the world, help in some significant way. I just don't know how yet.

That is probably going to be a little scary to some guys but it doesn't mean I am letting go on my femininity- I am so proud to be a girl but I recoginize the need for strong, sincere, compassionate, godly women and I want to be one of them-like my mom and grandma before me.

I am not a follower.

Thursday, September 01, 2005

"Lost and Freed!!!!"-by Me

(Written Jan. 2005)

This poem is my personal testimony. I didn't really want to put this private poem up but it may help others who have and are going through this to see the glorious light at the end of the tunnel. This poem is long and sort of dark at the beginning but it reflects the very hard struggle it took for me to come out into the sunlight with my Master. I have shed so many tears, but now I am living in joy and rest in Christ. This is the story of my life from around age 14 to now......


all around me the darkness reigns
i feel constricted by the silent miseries that surrounds me
i curl up into a ball
i try to think pretty, bright, sunny thoughts
the blackness overwhelmes them
i walk around on my tiptoes
i try not to disturb the other prisoners.

they are all curled up in little balls
trying to create worlds of their own
somehow we always fail
the dark never leaves us
we hear voices
whispering, speaking, shouting in our minds
we cry, we sob
we don't let anyone know of our inner torment
but we all know
we all feel the pain that exists when the sun doesn't run rise
when the darkness lift
when life seems to stop and we wait
in death-like stupors.

i can't find a way out
i can't find an escape from this black world
of pain and aloneness
i am alone
i am surrounded by others
but i am alone
we are all alone in our thoughts and paths of temporary escape
that always lead us to dead ends
i have no joy
i know not what elation is
i am always angry, alone, upset, heartbroken.

this world is like a labyrinth
we can't find a way out
the voices are leading us deeper and deeper
i try to shut them out
sometimes it works
but it always seems as if i run out of power
i cannot raise the sun
i cannot lighten my world on my own
i need help
but whose?

someone once told me about Someone who can brighten my night and keep it bright
Someone who is bigger and stronger than me
but to get His help, i have to give up my own will
my own struggling to grab and hold something that isn't there
i have to cry out for His hand and hold it with everything in me
because this change of leadership is going to hurt, a lot
i want to think about it
i want to weight the good and the bad
but as i try, the voices that are trying to drown me get louder
i can't ignore them anymore.

i raise my eyes from downcast to looking up
i am going to hang on really tight
i won't let go, i yell.

it is so painful but that must mean He is working
i already feel lighter in my heart
i realise that for the first time i am experiencing joy and pain-together
i can see now little fingers of light shooting out towards me
it is dark still but it is getting lighter
and i am no longer alone.

He is beside me holding my hand
in front of me leading me
behind me guarding me
beneath me bearing me up
i am no longer alone.

i have come out of the darkness into a beautiful land
i can see other people just like me
i recognize those who used to live on my right and on my left, in pain
now we are all free
we soar and we dart like birds
we are free
but not entirely
we know that we are powered by Him
we live in faith that He will never let go
but if i let go
i will fall, i will crash, i will die
i will NEVER let go
so help me, God!!!!!!

[I don't not have any caps but when I mention Christ-in the original form, i had everything on the left side of the page in a sort of art form. :)]

Friday, August 26, 2005

Simple Pleasures

A child's smile,
A word of kindness from a secret love,
The simplest things can cause
The greatest reactions from a sincere heart.

Don't think I am silly
If I gasp in amazement at a butterfly's wings,
Or wonder at the shape of the clouds,
Or the magnificence of a single snowflake
As it melts in my hand.
Simple pleasures they may be
But magic beauty flows from the simplest of things.

Sunday, July 31, 2005

Quote of the Month-Abraham Lincoln

"I have been driven many times to my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had nowhere else to go. My own wisdom, and that of all about me seemed insufficient for the day." - Abraham Lincoln

This is incredibly true for me. God can see the big picture, the picture He created, but we humans can only see the little section that is our lives, today. We must never question God's actions because everything happens for a purpose and fits into His grandiose scheme.

Sunday, July 24, 2005

Been awhile...

That picture really isn't that great but at least it gives you a tiny idea of what I look like. My cousin said that I do NOT look good when I pose for a picture.

Anyway-life is going really well. Lifeguarding is fun and I really enjoy it.(By the way, neither of the guards in that picture are me. But that is generally what I look like. Hahaha!) Also, I have been surfing the classifieds pretty much everyday because I am nearing when I can afford a car. My guess is about 3 or 4 more paychecks will give me more than enough.

Spiritually, I think I am making progress. I am really happy because I am to the point when I can recognize something I am really need to change before it becomes enough of an issue that I need to be taken to task by someone else about it. It is really good timing because I have a lot of behoviours I need to watch for with this new job. (By the way, neither of the guards in that picture are me. But that is generally what I look like. Hahaha!)

I found out that my family is going on a vacation in the first week of September and we then get a week home before we three younger kids go to California with Dad. So September should go by really fast.

Well, I'll try to write more often. I seriously would have written sooner but Mom has started turning off her computer after she is done working on it so I often miss the cutoff date. :)

Me-Sorry it is blurry.

Friday, June 10, 2005

Lest you should lose hope....

I apologize for taking over a month to make a new post. I hope you all haven't lost faith in me.
I don't have anything brilliant to say so I'll update on what is going in with me. First, though, if you are checking out this blog occasionally, especially if you are a friend, could you please let me know because in one week, my life is going to kick into high gear, schedule-wise, and I need to know if and who I would be letting down if I didn't write, at least occasionally. Thanks ever so much.


1. I got the job as a lifeguard at the college pool this summer, in case no one knew. I am really excited but nervous, as is everyone who starts a job. But it will be fine. I was noticing how a lot of high school grads, etc., are going to do basically menial jobs this summer like cashiering or working at a fast-food restaurant and I will be taking on the tremendous responsibility of keeping hundreds of people safe in the water. Maybe this wasn't such a great idea afterall...(I am only kidding.)

2. I have had two old friends come back into my small sphere, one for a while hopefully and the other for a brief moment in time.
I went to my childhood best friend's grad party. We split ways about 4 years ago when I was lead by God to confront her about the way she was living her life. She got angry and we haven't spoken since. But she sent me an invite to her graduation and party, I assume as a gesture of a friendship remembered so I prayed about it and went to her party. My heart was beating really, really hard as I pulled up to the house I remember so well. The memories came flooding back...yadda yadda yadda. I won't bore you with the details. Anyway, she was obviously still icy towards me even though she appreciated my effort. But that was what God wanted me to do.
I won't go into telling you about the other friend but I am glad they are back, at least for now.

Nothing else exciting is happening, which is wierd. Maybe it is the calm before the storm.......

Keep up the faith. You can be sure that if I know you, I am praying for you. You can withstand the might of the temptations surrounding you, with God's help.

My sister gave a cute little card to my mom and for the sake of encouragement and a little smile, I'll close with what it said. (I has a picture of a little lamb, dressed in armor, on the cover, valiantly holding up a shield against an onslaught of arrows.)

"The enemy is busy, busy, busy." Inside, there is a picture of the same lamb, with its shepherd standing next to it protecting it. It says, "But the Shepherd is faithful, faithful, faithful."

I am SO greatful for His faithfulness.

Friday, May 13, 2005

Friday, May 06, 2005

Critical Thoughts on "Star Wars: Episode III"

I was reading The Oregonian, which is probably the most liberal, widely-spread newspaper in Oregon, and I stumbled across an article about "Star Wars: Epsiode III." Even they knew that something wasn't entirely right about the newest installment of the Star Wars trilogy, which is proudly toting the trilogy's first-ever PG-13 rating.

The rating and the cause for it is precisely the reason for my outrage and henceforth, my spewing forth of criticism in this humble blog.

The Oregonian opened its article saying that basically, this episode is the darkest and most demonic of them all. They went on to describe the brutal bloodbathes and maulings that take place during the film as Darth Vader takes revenge on his former allies.

Excerpts from:

Dark Side: Last 'Star Wars' Movie Not for Kids?
By David Germain
Associated Press
"The action is relentless and includes sequences more dark and disturbing than anything previously seen in the tragic Skywalker soap opera."

The most shocking thing The Oregonian noted was that during one scene, Darth Vader slaughters all the Jedis' children with his light saber. I had to sit down when I read that line. Have we, as a nation, really sunk as low as to see the slaughtering of innocent children as "entertainment?!!!!"

"Young Jedi knight Anakin Skywalker (Hayden Christensen) completes his transformation into blackhearted villain Darth Vader with a bloodbath against old allies, the body count including a corridor of "youngling" corpses - Jedi children cut down by his light saber."

Is ANYONE concerned by this, besides me? Aren't we at war right now to protect our children from terrorism and "make the world safe for our children", yet we are spending millions of dollars a month in cinema fares to sit for 2+ hours and let George Lucas' twisted film pump pure gore and violence into not only the minds of us adults (which is bad enough) but into the eager and impressionable minds of our children?

The weekend box office reports immediately following the release of "Stars Wars: Episode III" will indeed prove how sunken and depraved the American culture has become.

I can only further prove how this "cinematic" violence is NOT just going "in one ear and out the other" for today's children. I am reading a book called "No Matter How Loud I Shout: A Year in the Life of the Juvenile Court System," by Edward Humes. It is amazing how obvious it becomes the further you get into the book that we DO NOT have the answer to the jaw-dropping jump of 175% in juvenile crime since the '60s.

We don't have the answer to help kids who have murdered at age 14. But I am pleading with you to not help kids, so close to my age, get one step closer to that fall-off point by buying them a ticket to "Star Wars: Episode III."

We must protect our minds, and those of our children by boycotting "Star Wars III." Otherwise, why even be in a war to prevent it from truly happening? I wonder how many people would be calling it "entertainment" then....

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

You're hired!!

Wahoo. Wahoo. Wahoo. :)

I got hired to teach 4th graders how to swim. It is so tiring but fun. I am teaching them from 8:30-2:00, Mon.-Fri., for four weeks at a local high school pool. It is good pay ($9.55/hr.) and I am grateful to God for it because I need to get a car.

Speaking of getting a car, I am FINALLY getting my license. I have to go in and do the knowledge half of the written and then I come back on the 13th for the driving test. I am psyched but kind of nervous, not about the knowledge test but the skills test. (Deep breaths.) Hahaha!!

My mom says that since we have just one family car, I can just use it for driving my two younger siblings to their events/practices. Fun, fun, fun. But my sister and I are getting a car together and we are pretty close to having enough money.

Well, I have to do some stuff before I go to yet another pool to teach MORE kids how to swim for yet another hour.

Yawn.......If anyone emails me don't expect a reply for at least two days.

(So this is what being a grown-up, with a steady job, feels like. Kind of.)

Friday, April 29, 2005


Everyone, absolutely everyone needs to read Psalm 127. And for you lazy ones I typed it out. I like the first part the best. But I felt compelled to copy the whole thing.


1 Unless the Lord builds the house,
They labor in vain who build it;
Unless the Lord guards the city,
The watchman stays awake in vain.
2 It is vain for you to rise up early,
To retire late,
To eat the bread of painful labors;
For so He gives His beloved even in their sleep.

3 Behold, children are a gift from the Lord,
The fruit of the womb is a reward.
4 Like arrows in the hand of a warrior,
So are the children of one's youth.
5 Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them;
They shall not be ashamed,
But shall speak with their enemies in the gate

I am just standing here-PLEASE ignore me!!!

I was a linesman for my little sister's volleyball game today. It was my first time and it was nerve-wracking!!!!! Mom and Verity said I looked really upset but my knees hurt and I was really nervous to not make a mistake. (Even though somehow, I don't think that YMCA parents are the type to mob a "ref" after a bad call but I have seen a few close calls.)

Anyway, it was all pretty dull, except there was one time when the ball was REALLY close to the line. Everyone, I mean everyone, was looking at me. So I crossed my fingers and said "out." It must have been right because Verity's coach said "Good call." Phew.

The rest of the game I just stood there, trying not to look stupid, and also trying to make sure I didn't use the hand signals for "out" when I meant "in." My palms got all cold and kind of sweaty and my heart beat a little hard. (Maybe that was the X-large Pepsi I had just consumed.) Either way....


Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Rain Dancing

After a long day at work and errands, I let myself go....go dancing, that is.

Today was a gorgeous day. It was sunny and warm (somewhere around 75 degrees.) There was a slight breeze and the wonderful smell of budding trees and flowers. But around 6 o'clock the sky darkened ominously and the clouds convened to make swirling forces of danger in the sky. It was incredibly beautiful, breath-taking in fact.

I saw it looming off in the distance. And true to form, the rain came, much harder than I expected, actually. It splattered in giant drops on my windshield. The wipers had a hard time keeping up with the intake.

We drove home and safely as possible which meant going 5 miles per hour slower than the high-school boy in the Thunderbird behind would have liked. But we made it and my brother and sister were exclaiming how they were so excited to go run and bike in the torrential downpour. I thought they were crazy.

But I thought about a much younger me and how I would have been out there in my swimsuit splashing through the puddles and sitting in the flooded gutters til they dammed up and over-flowed. I would have screamed and ran and splashed more than any other kid on the block.

So I decided to let go of my teenage self for one moment and forget about what my stylish peer across the street or the adults would think of my silliness. I just let go.

And it was AWESOME!!!!! At first I told myself that I was crazy and that I would get sick or something. But I know I won't. It felt so freeing and it made me so happy to go back 8 years and....

dance in the rain.

Friday, April 22, 2005

Miscellaneous Observations

I am having to give and go through tough love. Since I am experiencing both ends- I would have to say it is harder to give than to receive.

But both ways make you stronger.

I had a wonderful conversation at the college pool the other day. I had been weight-lifting and then I went to swim for 20 minutes to cool off. But I changed my mind and got out after 10 and went and sat in the hot tub. An older guy (33 yrs.) came in and started talking to me. He told me he wanted to be in the Peace Corps. after talking for a while and then he told me that he is anti-religion, anti-God. I am about as opposite that opinion as you can be (well, guess not sinc I wouldn't say I am a radical) and I said so. Anyway, we talked about theology and everything for an hour!! I was boiling in the hot tub so I eventually just sat on the steps to avoid letting my blood reach boiling point. :)

Anyway, it was really good practice and I also worked on my listening skills and I am proud to say that I did not interupt him ONCE. Either way, I held my own very well, with God's help.

I need to take a shower before bed so I have to rush. Plus, I have to think of a speech AND write it before Tuesday morning and I cannot think of anything at all.

The other thing is that I got a temp job teaching swim lessons. I am going to work at the Cenntennial High School pool, coaching 5th-graders for 5 hours, 5 days a week, for 4 weeks. I am going to make $10/ hour so that is great. I will finally have enough money for my car. Thank you, Lord!!

One more thing: I accidentally poked the shutter of my camera several weeks ago and bent it. I took it to the camera repair shop today and they said it would cost $150 to replace it so I just bought a $125 used camera which is actually a year newer than my old one. So I am out a bit, money-wise, but it is okay. It is SO worth it to me.

Well, I have to go. Please pray for me about my speech on Tuesday.



Monday, April 11, 2005

Pachelbel's Kanon in D Major...

... is sooo beautiful. I don't care if anyone thinks that it is crazy if I only listen to Irish and classical music, that I can't stand any rock or rap, and that I think that Britney Spears, oh, Federline, and Christina Aguilera and the rest should be peacefully removed to Sweden where they can undergo a 12-step program called "First Acceptance, Then Appreciation, Finally- Adoration of All Classical Music."

But that would only happen in my dreams. Too bad.

I am really tired today. I got a cold and all that jazz. I have to get up at 5:30 tomorrow morning to go to a Toastmasters group that has only 3 other people in it. Then since my mom has to go to a hair appointment, I have to walk home. Anyone who wants to swing by and pick me up-feel free. Call my cell for the address. Hahaha!!


Wednesday, April 06, 2005

So, oh, so, so sore!!

I could barely get out of bed this morning. It isn't that I am terribly out of shape either. (Okay, maybe a little bit...) It was that some of the muscles you use to snowboard aren't used in day-to-day life.

Anyway, someone really should remind me to wear sunscreen next time. My cheeks got burned but not as bad as they could have if I hadn't been wearing foundation. Also, wierdest of all was that my EYES got sunburned. They are red today but not painful.

I went to lap swim to try and work out the kinks and that helped- a little. After I swam for 30 minutes or so I went and sat in the hot tub but 10 minutes and it would have been the most beneficial but I got too hot in there.

Either way- I would definitely go through all this again for the rush of snowboarding. My one regret is not boarding for longer. :)

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

I am now a snowboard chic!

Hahaha. Whatever. But I did okay for my first time and I made it down the mountain once. It was rad. (Is that an archaic term now? Someone tell me. Hahaha.)

Anyway- my two cousins (very nicely) invited me to come boarding with them. My guy cousin is a pro at it and he took some hard runs after informing me and my girl cousin/best friend of the basics. He was a good teacher and he helped us go up and down the beginner slope a couple times. Then he took us over to the big ski lift that goes to around 5,200 feet up the mountain and told us to just take it slow and that he would meet us later.

We got lost following the signs down so we switched back and forth a couple times and avoided getting hit by the good boarders and skiers. I made it down pretty well though.

The wierd thing is that I was best when I went down the runs with my back facing downhill and glancing over my shoulder. Then I could do it like a "pro" and do the whole curvy thing too. But when I turned and faced forwards I fell a lot. But when we went to the higher slopes, I got the hang of it pretty quick.

Anyway-I am totally hooked. Too bad I can't afford to go very often because of the exorbitant lift rates. However if anyone wants to invite me the next time you go up the mountain, I'll scrounge up the money somewhere. :)

Sunday, April 03, 2005

Life is so.....

..unneccessarily complicated sometimes.

Why do insecure people feel the need to stomp on others which only results in a temporary power surge which results in more insecurity if the victim doesn't react in the expected "fold and crumple" routine?

Why do we care so much about what others think of us?

Why do we need the world's approval to feel valid?

These questions may seem really self-explanatory to some people and I guess they are but I want to share my journey that ended with the answers to these age-old questions.

No one can say that being homeschooled has stunted my strength to fend off peer pressure and insults. I think it prepared me for the next thing that happened in regards to dealing with others my age.

I joined the swim team. Actually, I had been on the swim team for over 5 years but I was advanced through the ranks to the elite Senior team, run by a nationally ranked coach.

I remember being so scared my first day. But I was really glad that I had some friends, who had previously joined this group, to help me find a niche in the tightly knit, exclusive ranks of the Senior swimmers (who I might add are almost all nationally ranked swimmers.)

But I was wrong. I was rejected almost from the first by most of them and all of the girls but one or two and I came home in tears many nights out of the week.

I remember feeling confused and angry because I didn't do or say anything to them to bring out this instant cold front from them.

Now I understand more.

The girls were all insecure. We were being taught by a very sight-oriented coach who insisted that all the girls lose ridiculous amounts of weight. I remember how mad all the girls were when he started having a "girls" meeting and a "boys" meeting. With the girls, he talked extensively on weight loss issues and dieting, and with the boys he talked about technique and stroke-work.

This resulted in most of the girls upping their dieting even if they were at the perfect body weight for them. This resulted in eating disorders and loss of self-confidence. I blame our coach and the media for this. They, collectively, ruined these poor girls, some of them, for life.

Therefore, since they felt so horrible about themselves, they attacked those lower in the "food chain." In other words, I was their therapuetical scape-goat, because I didn't respond to our coach the way they did. Sure I was a little scared of him but I had joined the team with a sense of contentment with my body and they didn't have any contement.

This went on and on and on, escalating at times when I had to swim freestyle because of a shoulder injury when everyone else was swimming a long butterfly set. Or when I had to use a pull buoy to avoid further knee damage when everyone else was partaking in a grueling kick set.

I was used and abused, so to speak.

Many girls would come out of this experience scarred for life. However, I have closed that chapter of my life entirely differently.

First, I do have body image issues. I was and am a curvy (not fat!) young woman. It was hard to be around 100-lb. women and not feel insecure. It would be for anyone. But I think this will help me to become stronger as I work through this area in my life and become content with my curves again. They have all conformed to Hollywood's (and our coach's) ideal.

Second, I have come out of this experience with a decreased interest in what people think of me. All that I care about is what God thinks of me.

I found out on Saturday, by a "friend", that I was hated to the utmost on that team. They had no reason, no excuse. My mom says it is because I am strong and confident, in the Lord. May it always be that way.

The only other option is to end up empty and joyless when our beauty fades and our skin sags and our glorious muscles grow weak and our sarcastic, quick brain gets old and slow.

Who knows how much time we will have to waste worrying about weight and the world's opinion? Life goes by in the blink of an eye.

Don't waste it. Live in joy and peace in Christ.

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

My "Free Spirited" Friend

Emily is one of the most free spirited, healthy, happy people I know. She is Greek and Turkish. She is curvy but not fat at all-she doesn't believe in being stick thin and this only adds to her appeal. She laughs really loud and isn't embarassed by herself. She isn't afraid to show emotion. She is engagingly funny ( even though she is a little bit foolish sometimes, but who isn't?) and rapturously pleasant. She is inspiring.

She is also drop-dead gorgeous (in my opinion). She has beautiful eyes and immensely thick, wavy hair. But she doesn't make me jealous. Some beauties act condescending and overly-important, especially around guys, which only incites temporary repulsion in how I react to them. But Emily isn't like that. She isn't skin deep. She is happy with who she is, with the body God created her with and she won't hide her joy.

She brings out the best in me and it is incredibly helpful for me, physically, to be around her. When I am with Emily, I grow in contentment with the body God gave me because she is content. Also, she helps me, unconciously, in how I relate to guys.

Emily is a little guy-crazy sometimes. However, she is really at ease with them-not in a loose way either. But she isn't embarassed or overly flirtatious or... I don't know how to describe it but she doesn't make the guy-girl friendship thing to be a huge complicated issue, like I do sometimes. If she makes a verbal mistake, she doesn't dwell on it, like I tend to do, because most guys don't.

Emily is a free spirit, and an entirely unique one too because she has the personality that God has given her. I want to be a free spirit (with Christ) too but in my own unique way. I will never be exactly like her in every detail but I will and am learning to more at home in my own skin.

Thanks, Emily. I love you.

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

So wierd...

In case anyone is a big fan of David Duchovny- I found out that he has his own blog going on at this site:

Personally, I really liked his acting job in "Return to Me." I highly recommend this chic flick. Hahaha! (Sadly, I cry everytime I watch it.)

Sunday, March 27, 2005

Christ is RISEN!!!

Today is a celebration of life. Christ died and rose again so that we can LIVE. He gave us a reason for getting up in the morning, a reason to live for others and for yourself, an answer to all the questions in the universe.

I am so grateful for His sacrifice.


Lifeguarding was fine. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I passed and I got qualified to use an AED (automated external defibrillator), those machines that the doctors use to restart the heart-you know the ones that make the unconcious guy jump a little. Anyway, all the teachers really liked me and I think I may very well get hired there. I hope so......

Sunday, March 20, 2005

After Thursday...

I will be an official lifeguard.

I am wasting my spring vacation 8-5 at a pool-basically at school. Oh well, it should be fun some of the time.

Besides, it probably would be helpful to my career "plan" of becoming an EMT if God wills.

So after Thursday...y'all can invite me to your pool parties and not worry about anyone drowning. Hahahaa!!!!!

Saturday, March 19, 2005

I finally know...

what I want to be when I grow up. Well, I want to be this but God may lead me in a different direction.

I want to be an EMT (emergency medical technician).

I want to save peoples' lives and experience the thrill and challenge of riding in an ambulance. I want make a difference, with the career that I pick.

My mom says she thinks that would be a great choice for me. I think so too. The only concern I have is the math side of it but if I want it badly enough, I think I could conquer math. Besides, I can do regular and medium level math but algebra is where it gets me.

My second choice if the EMT thing doesn't work is being a PR rep. (public relations representative.) I love working with people but that side of it doesn't have the excitement of really making a difference, etc.

Of course, WHATEVER God chooses for me is what I'm going to do- no question about that.

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

My "Worst" Fear Come True....

Okay-evidently, I am a sissy. I do not want to be a sissy and I have been trying to be more adventurous but when it comes to getting up at 7:15 and going to the dentist to get a massive shot in the roof and side of your mouth in order for the area to be numb for a filling...I am NOT an adventurous soul.

It isn't that I am squeamish. No, not at all. It isn't even that I am afraid of most shots. But I am afraid of needles that puncture bone and needles that look like they should be crocheting instead of being stuck inside my MOUTH or up my veins!!! I can prove I am not squeamish-sort of anyway. I gave blood yesterday. I told myself the minor, brief pain of the huge needle was worth it in order to help save 3 peoples' lives!!! But in this case, I am not saving anyone's life. But I guess I am preventing terrible pain later on for myself.....

I still don't relish the idea.

There are three things wrong with getting a filling. I call them the "Terrible S's." The first is the Shot, the second is the Smell, and the third is the Sound. I dislike all of them sooo I have discovered a partial remedy for both:

1) Solution to the Shot: Take two Tylenol pills or Advil about 30 minutes beforehand. The dentist said they have had people do that and it has helped a good bit.

2) Solution to the Smell: The smell of burning enamel is really, really awful. My solution is to get a little vial of lavender oil and put one or two small drops at the end of your nostrils (ewww). It's either that or get a highly "stylish" noseplug.

3) Solution to the Sound: Bring a really loud Cd player and/or earplugs to cover the noise some. But you have to remember that the sound will be vibrating your eardrums anyway, it just might eliminate it a little.

So that is my plan. I don't think I will be able to get the lavender oil and the Cd part of my Cd player doesn't work but I can play either a tape or the radio really loud instead. And the Tylenol is an experiment but we shall see.

At least I only have another 12 hours + to worry about it. But for some strange reason, I am freaking out about it far less now that I KNOW I have to have a filling.

I'll be fine. (I hope....)

Friday, March 11, 2005

Surprise, Suprise!!

I know I have been "avoiding" you and I deserve whatever punishment you think fit but I have been busy.


I GOT MY BRACES OFF!!!! After exactly 5 years and one day, I got them off. (On Tuesday!) My mouth looked so foreign sitting on my face. I wanted them to put my braces back on, I wanted to wear a scarf over the lower portion of my face-something-anything to cover it up. For you see, I , actually everyone, had forgotten what my original smile looked like. And when my braces came off, I didn't appear anything like I had for half a decade (!!!).

The reactions:

My cousin didn't know me. We looked at some pictures that had just been developed and one was a full frontal of me with braces. He pointed to it and said that he knew her, not the girl standing in front of him.

My mom was really happy. I mean REALLY happy.

My best friend was ecstatic. She wanted my braces off practically more than me.

My sisters (my other best friends) had to do a couple double takes but they adjusted rapidly.

My brother was cool with it.

My swimming friends were happy for me but that is where any other emotion stopped. It isn't their fault. It isn't like we spend much time together.

Me? I was in shock. I was smiling the whole way home on my bike. I kept trying to shut my mouth but it wasn't working. At one point, I cackled. :) I know I am getting really honest but it was such a shock. Plus, my teeth felt really slimy.

I have to go to the dentist next week and I KNOW I will have to get a filling. I really, really, really hate the dentist and especially fillings. I wonder if a Tylenol would dull the pain of the local anethesia shot? I should try it. I can handle everything but that. (Well, I can handle that too but let's just stay I really don't like it.)

I have to get back to the W.W.W. (a.k.a. World Wide Web) because I have to do a speech on Tuesday on the heart (?) and I need to find some info. Thank goodness for the internet. Everything's just a click away.

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

My General State of Mind & Body is.....


I am recovering from my illness. Thank you for your patience. I am sure it was murder to wait and see how the whole boat trip went for me. (Suuuurrrre.)

It went roughly okay considering we had a motley crew aboard the ol' pirate ship. Harharr!!!......Oh, sorry. Obviously, better does not mean entirely well. :)

I didn't go crazy suprisingly!!!! We had beautiful weather the whole time and thankfully, God staved off my illness until 10 minutes (literally) after I had gotten home.

So, now you tell me you want a play-by-play? Well, I must leave out a few facts, change a few names, and omit the mutinous crew members we left behind on the desert island!!!!!!!!!!!!!........I am doing it again, aren't I?

ANYWAY!!!! The boat didn't sink, I didn't get wet, I didn't have to drive the boat (which is good, I probably would have run us aground), we got roughly enough sleep, we got to eat Mexican food when we went ashore in Rainier, Saturday night, and I didn't have any TERRIBLY clutzy moments except when I almost shoved someone overboard in a FIT OF ANGER THAT DROVE THE REST OF THE CREW TO BODILY CONSTRAIN ME AND THROW ME IN THE FISH HOLD........sorry. I couldn't resist.

The only really, kind of, sort of bad part of the trip that made me very grateful to have 6 strong men aboard was when we saw our motel for Saturday night. That is like a Hollywood gansta' movie all on its own and deserves a separate paragraph.

We reached Rainier, I dunno, around 3-4? We parked at the transit dock which was nice with big rusty-red metal pillar things (piers??) with those sparkly white cones on top that make them look like bullwarks to a fairy-tale castle. (I know I am mixing up my adjectives but it is my story, I can do what I want.)

Anyway, we reached the transit docks, and (duh!) docked. Those of us (M, B, JP, U.J., me, and B) who were going to stay at the motel gathered our stuff and walked the two blocks or so to the motel.

The motel looked like one of those druggie nests that you see on "Cops." The current tenets looked no better and appeared to be meth-users, and over half of them looked like they lived at the motel. I started to hyper-venilate as we waited for the owner to come back from grocery shopping. I was really beginning to be concerned and I thought it would be a good idea to check the post-office's "wanted" posters for his face. Maybe he was a murderer or an undercover drug-lord!!!!!!!!

I exaggerate too much in my mind. Someone needs to blindfold me the next time we stay at a 1/2 star motel.

Anyway, the owner wasn't too bad and the room was much better than the rest of the motel looked. It smelled though. I was still freaking out though and I split with Becki A.S.A.P. back to the boat.

Once back at the boat, the motel was out of sight but not out of mind. But I rapidly became grateful for the relatively safe life that God was blessed me with. Some people would be overwhelmingly grateful for one night in a motel like that, since it is better than sleeping under a bridge with murderers and druggies.

So I accepted the motel as a challenge as well as sharing an extremely uncomfortable futon and found that that motel was THE quiestest motel I have EVER slept in. (Possibly because all the other tenets were stoned.)

The rest of the trip went great. It was beautiful weather. We had gorgeous sunrises both Sat. and Sun. I got to practice my sketching and best of all, I got to hang with my cousins a.k.a. my adopted brother and sisters a.k.a. my best friends, besides my own brother and sisters.

I know this was annoyingly long. You can scan it, you have my permission. :) But if you are really bored, it is a good time-filler. :)

Monday, February 28, 2005


I am SICK. Too sick to relate the trip and how great it went. Sick, sick, sick. My apologies for keeping you in "suspense." (Ha!!!)

Sunday, February 20, 2005

Regarding My Potential for Insanity

This weekend I am going to go on a trip on my uncle's retired 80-foot fishing boat, that someone donated to him. It is going to be a two-day voyage and I am regarding it with apprehension. There are going to be 10 people (5 of whom are full-grown males which doubles the space they consume) onboard, most likely two video cameras and several still cameras.

The reason I mention the cameras is just because they seem to detract from what little space is going to be on the boat. I, myself, am going to be behind one of the cameras and I plan to burn up rolls of film, for practice I guess. I think that two days is ample time to use up at least 5 rolls for an avid photographer, don't you?

I am also regarding it nervously because the last trip we went on which was only a hour and a half long, I got thoroughly soaked which ruined the trip. So I plan to bring two jackets, 4 pairs of pants and 4 pairs of shirts, two for each day. Oh and as many socks as will fit in my spacious backpack.

The other problem is that there is no working bathroom which is bad. But I suppose I will fast all day and that will solve that problem.

I am going to work on my self-control because on such a little boat (well it seems little for so many people and for so long) I will naturally tend to go crazy, absolutely "postal" as my cousins say. In order to avoid this I will spend a lot of time on the roof of the boat's house (which is the crowded shelter that has the galley, the crew quarters, the captain's stateroom {which is no bigger than my bed!!!} and the bridge), and an equal amount of time on the deck and a short time below in the engine room. So if anyone is looking for me during the trip, I will be either there, there, or down there. :)

Allow me to explain why I would EVER want to be in the engine room (not to mention that the engine is emblazoned with the unlucky words "K-19".) Well, it is really loud and there are lots of harmful fumes because the engine kind of leaks but it is SO luxuriously warm down in the "hole." Also, I can be sure that I will get privacy down there!! I spent 15 minutes down there on our last trip and it was only 1 1/2 hours long. (Maybe that is why I kind of went crazy towards the end.)

So that's my plan for the trip. It probably won't turn out this way. I don't think it will be a pleasure cruise because someone mentioned that my uncle was bringing sanders and paint so we could de-rust the boat's house and paint it.

Well, I will be sure to tell you how it goes when I get back. (Although, maybe my psychiatric therapist (since I will probably need one when this is over) may tell me it would be too painful for me to look back on the trauma of this coming weekend.)

Bon voyage to all you who are (luckily) staying home with running toilets, spacious homes, and comfortable beds. Send me a postcard!!!


This is a disclaimer in case Uncle John reads this:

I AM looking forward to this trip. It will test my mettle. I am mostly a brave person. I can handle it for YOU, my precious uncle!!!


Sunday, February 13, 2005

I got published again!!

Yay!! Another website has published me. But they only accepted one of my poems. ("Broken Boxes") Anyway you can check it out at I am really grateful for these opportunities from God. I am still waiting to hear from Guideposts.

I do not mean to be boastful about any of this!!! I am just so excited that God is maybe finally deciding to use me in a bigger way for Him.

I have my Icebreaker speech at Toastmasters tomorrow at 6:15 AM!!!! It is titled "I Am In This War For Good," because my theme is about be a soldier for Christ. I will update how it goes. Pray for me!!!

Saturday, February 12, 2005

"Paper Lantern"-A Brief Poem

Brown paper.
Mashed and formed to create an empty ball.
A facade, a case.

Spun around by the slightest breath.
Suspended by the smallest string.
Paper lantern- a shell made
To carry a bright flame.

Skin, bones.
Scratch, molded by unseen fingers,
Into a complex cage.

Spun around by ideals,
Images, emotions, and celebrities.
Suspended by a thread of life, held by unseen fingers.
A facade, a case.

Pretty face, long, lean legs, finite mind.
Brown body- a shell made to carry a soul.


This poem is imagery. I don't know what picture it will give you. I am not going to explain this poem. I am going to use my "artistic license" and let you discover the truth in this poem for yourself. But like in life, even though it is sometimes hidden, there is always an underlying current of absolute truth.

Christ is THE absolute truth.

Thursday, February 10, 2005


I need prayer for EVERYTHING!!! :) Currently, I am going to a speech club called Toastmasters, on Tuesdays mornings (@ 6:00!!!). I am trying to get better at communicating. I know that some of you (people who have met and known me) have experienced first-hand how I make verbal mistakes (like getting too intense and sad to say, talking over someone) and so you all, I hope, are willing to have patience with me as I learn these really valuable life lessons in communication. But anyway, I am relatively new to speaking passionately about spiritual topics(because I am CONSTANTLY growing in this area) so I am going to Toastmasters to work on it. Anyway, I have a chance to witness because at least once a month
I have to give a 4-6 minute speech and I plan to use every opportunity to witness to these people at the meeting.

Well this post was rather scatter-brained but it is late. I just want prayer, please and thank-you!!!

Remember to stand fast in the Lord!! Even when you don't understand or disagree just throw yourself at Christ and just TRUST. He, unlike anyone in the world, ALWAYS has our best interest at heart. :)


That button is the home page of the site I got published on. Look under the site directory buttons under Poet's Pages and then under new poets. I am the second listed. But I have already had 14 visitors to my page there so looks like some you have already gone. Thanks!!!

I am also trying to get publised in Guideposts, which is a huge inspirational magazine. I sent in those two poems and two photos since apparently they publish photos too. I don't think the poems will get published but I am praying!!! (I am hoping one of the photos gets published though!)

I feel like God has given me the ability to write and communicate effectively so I am trying to cultivate that to His glory.

To easily get to my other page....

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Wahoo!! I got published!!!

Hey!! I got two of my poems "published" on Cross Way Publication's website!!! check me out at:

I am so excited. I also sent in my poems and some photos to Guideposts, a HUGE inspirational magazine. I don't think my poems will get published but hopefully my photos will.

(Sorry that you have to type the whole address out. For some reason this set-up doesn't allow links inside of posts. But it shouldn't be too hard to type it out. I will add poems to it as soon as I write them. Keep looking!! Thanks!!!)

Sunday, February 06, 2005

Super Bowl and Other Comments

I just got home for a VERY exhausting trip to Astoria, OR to work on an 80-foot retired fishing boat that my uncle is restoring into a sea-plane carrying/God's creation exploring vessel. I got so little sleep the three nights we were there that I am barely functioning right now. (Yawn.)

Anyway, I just wanted to say how entirely disgusted I am with the Super Bowl. Just look at how many "men" freak out about it. Millions do. I wish we could transfer that excitement to a win in the battle of good vs. evil, God vs. Satan. Is it that there is no suspense since we know that the end of the "game" always is 1 billion-0, in favor of God. :)

There is so much more I could say about this but I just had to sound out my anger at this. If you are a guy, and you did NOT watch the Super Bowl (especially if you had the opportunity to) you are TRULY unique!!!!! Congratulations!!!

We need more MEN a.k.a. warriors in this world. We could never have enough soldiers in Christ's army.

(Please forgive the scatter-brainedness (yes, my spelling, I know!!) of this post. I am too tired and angry to say more. Goodnight!!!!)

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

No Special Reason

Hello. This is my first "journal" like entry. It isn't based on one thing and it isn't brilliant (not like any of my posts are) it is just ME, today, this moment. We all need to write sometimes and just feel free to say what is on our minds.

So here goes...

Today has been a normal day. In case y'all don't know I am a high-school senior, homeschooled high-school senior that is. Anyways, today I have been trying to finish off a particularly annoying subject (for good!), Business English. I have been practicing writing quarterly reports for companies I don't know anything about, memos to people who don't exist, and resumes with a job history I certainly don't have. So it has been fun to try on lots of different hats sort of but I am tired of Business English. Well, enough complaining. At least I got a break from math. Uuugh!!! That is a whole different story.

I had to go to the orthodontist today. Some piece of "hardware" broke. Anyway, I have had my braces on for 5 years and I am so tired of them. But guess what?? I only have 3 weeks left, Lord willing!!! YES!!!!

Before that I went lap swimming. I love swimming. Or did. I was on a team for 6 years and I kind of wore out my passion for it. But I really like going and just swimming for an hour. I especially like lap swim because I am always the fastest and all the old people with stiff joints are amazed, unless one of my old teammates is there, in which case they are the fastest...:) It really makes me grateful that I don't really have any substantial problems. (For people with real problems check out this (or .com))

Anyway. I went for an 8-mile bike ride last Thursday and I really ripped up my knees. Still paying for it. But at least I am not paralyzed.

I am so tired. But I am trying to keep everything in perspective. There are thousands of people who are WAY MORE tired and they don't even have the promise of a fluffy bed with warm conforters to look forward to. I do. Thank you, Lord!!

I think everyone needs to keep their lives in perspective. Especially those of us who have it relatively cushy. Someone always has it worse than us. We can only be intensely grateful to God for our lives.

Speaking of which, why do most people think that they should give God the bad stuff in their lives but withhold the good things? God gave so God also retains the rights to take it away. I think it would be a whole lot easier to always be willing for good things to be taken away than to be clamping on with all physical might. (Maybe then God wouldn't need to take it away.)-->(Just a speculation.)

Well, I really need to get to bed. But I have a few things to do before I hit the sack. Goodnight, one and all.


Wednesday, January 26, 2005

A Poem by Me

Four walls, a top, a bottom,
In gray and musty white, I lived my life.

Then came the cross,
With His box-breaking, life-giving sacrifice.

Out of the four walls, a top, a bottom,
Free as a bird in the endless blue skies.

Soaring free, nothing around me,
His gift holds me up, and I sing, with glee.

Boxes are scattered on the ground.
Yet, I am not found...there on the ground!

Chances arise to drop from the skies,
And return to the four walls, a top, a bottom.

Yet FLY, FLY away!!!!
The boxes are burning, consuming, destroying.

Their contents, unknowing, turn from my pleas,
And willingly go on with their destructive destinies.

Yet FLY, FLY away!!!!
If I cannot bring them, I flee them.

Fly from the boxes when they approach,
Fleet to the foot of the cross.

The cross where He died,
Broke the box, and set us free.


Thank you, Lord, for your indescribable gift of life to me!!! I should have died to pay for my sins but I can be free from guilt and pain if I accept your sacrifice of love and live in faith!!!!! I choose YOU!!!!!!!

Monday, January 10, 2005

2 Quote of the Month-Dr. Ariel A. Roth

I always love to find supremely good quotes from liberals (and non-liberals) who have found the indisputable truth to be against the evolutionary theory. I am currently reading a wonderful compilation of 50 scientists research disproving evolution. Every Christian and indeed anyone who just sincerely wants to know the truth should read this book. It is called, "In Six Days" edited by John F. Ashton, Ph.D.

The first quote speaks to the statement that creationism is merely a matter of faith, therefore it is religious not scientific. However, we can very clearly see that it takes faith to believe in ANY concept, including evolution, as Dr. Roth states.

"In fact, it seems to me that it takes a greater degree of blind faith (where there is no evidence) to believe in evolution than in the creation model of the Bible {where there is resounding evidence to prove its statements}."


"We are thus faced with the fact that after 2 centuries of conjecture,
a workable mechanism for evolution has not been found. While the perseverance of evolutionists is commendable, it would seem that by now it is time for science to give serious consideration to other alternatives of origins, such as creation."

My friend sent me this. I think this is fascinating.
Q: What is the shortest chapter in the Bible?
A: Psalms 117

Q: What is the longest chapter in the Bible?
A: Psalms 119

Q: Which chapter is in the center of the Bible?
A: Psalms 118

Fact: There are 594 chapters before Psalms 118
Fact: There are 594 chapters after Psalms 118
Add these numbers up and you get 1188.

Q: What is the center verse in the Bible?
A: Psalms 118:8

Q: Does this verse say something significant about God's perfect will for our lives?
A: Yes

The next time someone says they would like to find God's perfect will for their lives and that they want to be in the center of His will, just send them to the center of His Word!

Psalms 118:8
"It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man."

Now isn't that odd how this worked out (or was God in the center of it)?


Monday, January 03, 2005

Flowing Blood

I donated blood today. I joined the 5% of Americans who do donate. It was my first time. That was a big thing to the score or so of middle-agers who worked the Red Cross Blood Mobile today. I wasn't supposed to donate blood. But my mom called and found out that I could donate today so ten minutes before she left, she told me that I was going to.

(I must impart at this point that I have an extremely active imagination. It was good I didn't have very long to think about being stuck with a needle (twice!) because I only would have dramatized it mentally. As it was, I had 20 minutes to freak out while they checked me in, etc.)

I was worried about the nurse having to take a sample of my blood to check for iron content. But it wasn't that bad. It was like a thorn quickly catching on your skin. Didn't hurt too bad, and didn't stay hurting.

Next, I sweated over if I had enough iron in my blood. (I really need to eat more veggies!) It didn't pass the 15-second drop test. (She put it in some vial of blue liquid and if it had had enough iron, it would have dropped in less than 15-seconds.) Then she went to swirl it around in some machine that sounded like a blender. It separated my red blood cells from my plasma. If my blood cells were higher than 38, I would pass. Fortunately, I did. On to phase two.

I had to go to the "privacy" table to fill out a confidentiality sheet. There I made my first mistake, but it was an honest one. (No, I didn't look at someone else's sheet!) I was supposed to answer questions 1-39. I was already under the assumption from talking with Mom that half the page was for guys and the other page was for girls. And when the nurse told me to answer to question 39, she pointed at what I assumed was the female side of the page. Therefore, I only answered one half of the page. I probably slowed the whole process down because the male RN who took charge of me next quickly pointed out my mistake and had to leave me alone for 3 minutes so I could answer everything else.

I don't really understand the point of keeping your answers private from the RN's. They see them anyway. But that is the way the system works, so far be it from me to stand in its way.

Then I was lead over the water post where I was made to hastily consume a paper cup full of ice water. (I don't really see the sense in this ritual because I don't think the water would have affected my bloodstream very quickly, but if it works, I'll go for it.)

After downing the ice water, I was lead over to a square of lawn chairs, the type that are longer than your body and recline or sit straight up as desired. Anyway, I was kitty-corner to a very attractive guy who looked to be about 26. He reminded me of Brad Pitt, Matt Damon, and Ben Affleck. (He had a square jaw, brown eyes, and Ben's hair. Hahaha!)

This time, the person who would be actually drawing my blood was a young, engaged woman. She was witty and cheerful, but slightly sarcastic. Some woman, who was a volunteer, who I had never seen before, informed her that it was my first time donating. She sweetly threatend the young woman that she had better be nice to me.

The next bit passed in a blur. My memory returns very distinctly when she draws out the needle. Yikes that was one big momma of a needle!!!! She told me not to look but I couldn't help myself. I lost it. It was so big and I was concerned that it would hurt really bad. I wouldn't let her insert the needle so she got another lady to try to distract me. Here is where it kind of goes downhill. I didn't need another lady, I didn't want another, I didn't want the extra attention that she drew to my corner of the donation floor. But she came over anyway. She started in on the what I was going to do in the New Year but my sixth sense told me that the needle was getting closer and closer to me skin. (If you slowly move a sharp pencil towards your forehead, right in between the two eyebrows, you will feel a strange tingling sensation, identical to the one I felt at that moment.) I didn't want the element of surprise. I just wanted to prepare myself. So after two hits and miss and practically everyone was looking, (fortunately, the cute guy had left before all this, although if he had stayed I would have probably stood up stronger to the fear) I finally accepted it. And you know what it wasn't that bad.

I filled up my allotted pint-size bag very quickly, since I got big veins from my mom. I was wrapped in sticky red gauze to keep my wound clean and told to keep my needle wound dry. Then the same old lady, who had given my young medical assistant a hard time, came over and held my arm all the way to the cookie table. I felt just fine and not dizzy at all and I felt badly that an old woman who had a broken heel and a leg cast was supposed to be supporting me when I felt that I should be supporting her.

The cookies were good. So was the lemonade. There were two old ladies staffing it and they too had me down two cups of ice water. But this time I actually wanted it.

The whole experience was fine. I wore my "Be nice to me, I gave blood today!" sticker with pride, to teach swim lessons. I had had fun, it was a new experience and I think that next time I will be far better prepared for the needle and I will know to fill both sides of the page and to not wear a long-, tight-sleeved shirt to donate blood. (Although with that bunched up and constricting my blood flow, who needs a blood pressure cuff?)

But overall, I saw that more people need to donate blood, especially with the testimony of the Asian tsunami. Who knows when a tsunami will hit the Northwest Coast and kill and injure hundreds of thousands?
(God does.)